


Secrets

by kmoaton



Series: Secrets [1]
Category: Eureka
Genre: Amnesia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2017-10-31 10:07:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 41,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/342816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmoaton/pseuds/kmoaton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things have been lost and things have been hidden. No secret can be buried forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is a future fic. Jack has left Eureka and it has has been two years since either he or Zoe have returned - for very different reasons. Currently, Jack is a Secret Service Agent in Washington, D.C. Things are getting ready to change for Jack and he has no clue what is going on. Zoe is a college student at Harvard.

Jack sighed, exhausted after a long day. He hadn't slept well the night before and went in to work tired. Washington, D.C. was boiling in the summer and having just spent the better part of it outside in a black suit had literally drained any remaining energy out of him. He wanted nothing more than a cold shower and a colder beer. Tossing his keys on the table beside the blinking answering machine, Jack debated if he should check the machine now or later. Shaking his head, he knew if it were Abby or Zoe calling, they would be worried. In a way, he was glad that his job didn't allow him to carry a personal cell phone.

Pressing the play button on the machine, Jack shrugged out of his jacket and tossed on the couch. Listening with half an ear, he strode towards the refrigerator, intent of grabbing a cold one from its icy depths. His trek was stopped by the sound of a frantic Zoe, begging him to call her. Frowning, he picked up the cordless and quickly dialed Zoe's cell. She answered on the first ring.

"Dad! Where have you been? I've been calling all day!"

Jack frowned at the phone. "The president had press rounds today. You know secret service doesn't stop until he does."

He could hear her sigh. He knew she wasn't that crazy about his current job but being able to become a part of the secret service after his accident was a major accomplishment. He had been a federal marshal for so long and this was like making the dean's list.

"Dad, has anyone been to your house?"

Jack's frown deepened. "I just got home. Zo, what's this about?"

A chuckle traveled through the phone line, doing little to ease Jack's anxiety.

"Calm down, Dad. Look, I'm on my way down. We need to talk."

Stunned, he was actually silent for a moment. "Down from Boston? No, Zoe. You need to be at school."

Again, Zoe laughed. "Harvard will live without me for a few days. Besides, I'm on the train. I left this morning. I should be there in an hour."

Cursing in his head, Jack took a couple of deep breaths. "What's going on, Zoe?"

Zoe's voice came through the phone, sounding suddenly serious. "There are some things you need to know."

Jack suddenly felt the blood leave his face. "You aren't pregnant, are you?"

Her startled intake of breath strangely comforted Jack.

"Dad! No! Oh my god! I'll be there in an hour. Please meet me at the station and I'll tell you everything."

Before he could respond, the connection was broken. Staring at the clock, Jack realized his beer would have to wait. By the time he showered and dressed, he would need to head for the train station. Rush hour traffic guaranteed it would be, at best, a thirty-minute journey. Sweeping his hand over his head, Jack headed for the shower, ignoring the nagging pain in his head.

ooOOoo

Nathan found himself stuck in D.C.'s rush hour traffic. The jam only served to heighten his growing frustration. He felt guilty about being there in the first place but it was time, in his opinion, to stop hiding the truth. Jack deserved to know everything and make his own choices. Nathan couldn't believe how well Allison buried Jack, making it nearly impossible to find him, even with G.D.'s impressive capabilities. Nathan felt another pang of guilt, knowing he was the reason Allison felt compelled to hide Jack. Just when he had given up hope and was ready to let Jack go forever, fate smiled on him in the simplest of ways.

Having gone to Chicago for a DoD meeting, Nathan was surprised to see the President was on the agenda to speak. Intrigued, Nathan decided to attend. He was stunned, however, when he saw Jack as a member of the President's Secret Service entourage. Nathan didn't hear a word of the speech; he spent the whole time watching Jack. It had been two years since he had seen him and, at that time, Jack was unconscious and bruised.

'Time has been kind to him.' Nathan mused as he took in the tight frame and still piercing blue eyes of Jack. He knew he wouldn't be able to approach him here but now, at least, he had a way of tracking Jack down. It had taken the better part of two months of searching and bullying Fargo but he finally had an address. Deciding not to mention he was leaving town, Nathan assumed he hadn't left a trail but he was wrong.

Allison's computer in her office chimed, letting her know that Jack's file had finally been breached. She left her office, intent on stopping Nathan but was sidetracked by a scientist who was having a problem that could not wait. Sighing, she could only pray she could stop Nathan before he left town. On the way to level four, she called Zoe and warned her about the possibility of Nathan coming to D.C.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack watched as Zoe bound from the passenger pick up area. As thrilled as he was to see her, Jack couldn't shake the parental worry for her unexpected trip. Trying to keep the bad thoughts at bay, he made sure a big smile was on his face as Zoe approached the car.

Tossing her bag on the back seat, Zoe gave her dad a big hug. She had been worried the entire trip, trying to figure out exactly how she would share with her dad the mystery of the years of memory he had lost. Zoe had played all the possibilities in her mind and still could only see her father being furious at the end of it. Her mom had offered to fly in and meet her in D.C. but Zoe wanted to be the one to break the news.

Zoe refused to give any details about her impromptu visit until she and Jack had made it back to his apartment. After a quick meal of takeout Chinese, Zoe finally broached the subject.

"Dad, there are something about your accident mom and I didn't tell you."

Jack took a sip of his beer, using the moment to think. A sudden, intense pain crashed through his brain. It was fleeting but Jack could still feel its lingering traces. Making an effort to hide his discomfort, Jack responded.

"What could be so serious that you had to come from Boston to tell me?"

Taking a deep breath, Zoe began to tell him about the town of Eureka. As Jack listened, the pain, which had dulled, began to return in full force. Before Zoe could explain what this Eureka place had to do with him, Jack stopped her.

"My head is killing me. I have some pain pills in my room. I'll be right back."

Watching her father leave the room, Zoe pulled out her phone and quickly texted Allison.

_It's me. I'm here w/ dad. He's having bad headaches._

Zoe almost dropped her phone, the tone startling her with the quick response from Allison.

_I'll check with his doc to see what could be the cause. Have you told him?_

Shaking her head as if Allison could see her, Zoe responded.

_Only about the town. No time for more._

Allison's finally text came through

_K. I'll be in touch_

Zoe sat for a few moments, thinking. She couldn't help but wonder if they had done the right thing. Zoe knew her reasons were selfish but she had almost lost her father and that "man" was the cause of it all and he had no guilt about his role. Instead, that damn artifact had been more important. To Zoe's amazing surprise, her mother and Allison agreed with her. Now the entire situation was going to implode.

ooOOoo

Jack downed two pain pills and lay back on his bed with his eyes closed. There had been some headaches in the past but nothing like this since the early days of his recovery. He tried to wrap his brain around the mystical town Zoe had been telling about but the pain was too intense for thought. After a few moments, Jack heard a noise. Looking up, he saw Zoe standing in the doorway.

"Are you okay, dad?" The worry was evident in her voice.

Hating to see her so anxious, Jack forced himself to sit up. Zoe moved into the room, sitting beside him on the edge of the bed.

"I'm good, Zo. The doc says when I get too tired the headaches will come. It'll be fine. He said more to himself than to Zoe.

Continuing to watch him for a moment, Zoe finally leaned in and wrapped her arms around her father.

"Get some rest. We can talk in the morning."

Jack's gaze mirrored Zoe's own worried one. "Are you sure? You didn't come all this way for me to conk out early on you."

Zoe smiled and moved towards the door. "We'll have time. I know it's been a long day for you so rest."

Jack watched as Zoe moved down the narrow hall. Standing long enough to shed his clothes, Jack gratefully collapsed into bed, the pain gradually fading as darkness enveloped him.

_Jack was surprised to waken in a glowing room. There was a hidden light but Jack could still barely see. Looking down at himself, he noted, much to his chagrin, he was still in his pajama pants and no top. He attempted to see where he was exactly but nothing in the room was clear. He could hear a man's voice whispering but he couldn't understand what was being said. Following the sound of the voice, Jack was startled when a figure appeared in front of him. The figure was male and several inches taller than Jack was. Feeling slightly panicky at his state of undress and no weapon, Jack was stunned to hear his name._

_"Jack."_

_Taking a step back, Jack tried vainly to get a clear view of the person in front of him. In the dim light, the figure appeared out of focus, if was as if everything was slightly blurred to prevent him from identifying where he was or who he was talking with._

_"Jack, why won't you see me?"_

_Jack took several steps back from the blurry figure. The familiarity emanating from the shadowy figure was disturbing and Jack could only think he needed to get away._

_"I don't know you."_

_A deep rumbling laugh surrounded Jack._

_"Oh, you know me, Jack. You just refuse to remember."_

_Jack felt rooted to the spot, his feet glued to the floor. "Remember what?"_

_The figure moved closer to Jack. "There is so much you don't know Jack. There is so much you've lost."_

_The figure stood in front of Jack. The only thing he could see clearly was the shadowy man's piercing green eyes._

_"It's time. You've been hiding from the past long enough."_

_Jack shivered as the man's warm voice caressed his mind. Jack was beginning to become frustrated at the cryptic words from the figure._

_"I haven't been hiding! Just tell me what I don't know!"_

_The figure chuckled again and began to move away._

_"You have to figure that one out for yourself, Jack."_

_The dim light began to fade and the figure disappeared into the darkness. Jack soon found himself plunged into complete darkness, the pain in his head suddenly growing. As he struggled to find his way out of the dark, the pain increased, causing him to gasp…_


	3. Chapter 3

Bolting upright, Jack was momentarily surprised to find he was in his own bed. Waiting for his breathing to come under control, Jack glanced at the clock.

_"3:07. Geez."_

Knowing sleep was impossible, Jack got up and went to the kitchen. After looking woefully at the beer, he settled for a glass of water and moved out to the balcony. Even in the pre-dawn hours, the air was still humid and stifling. Jack listened to the sounds of the city, the faint wail of sirens punctuating the night.

Life in the city was good but sometimes Jack longed for a quieter existence. The idea of a small town had really begun to appeal to him.

 _"Maybe after retirement."_ Jack mused. The headache that had awakened him was retreating to the fringes of his mind. He struggled to recall the dream but only fragments remained. Sitting on the cushioned chair, Jack allowed his mind to wander. For the first time, he thought about the accident. He knew there had been an explosion and he had been in a coma for two months. Abby shared only the necessary details but then, Jack knew he really didn't ask any questions. He sometimes wondered if it had been a blessing that he had lost those two particular years. Zoe would sometimes go pale when he would ask about those years and Jack just eventually assumed there were things he was better off not knowing.

Zoe's unexpected visit and her desire to share details worried Jack. He was glad to be off for the next few days to give himself a chance to absorb whatever Zoe had to tell him. With another heavy sigh, Jack drained the now lukewarm water. Sleep was still eluding him and Jack debated going to the gym. The exercise would calm his nerves and hopefully, wear him out. The gym was frequented by Secret Service and FBI agents and was open 24 hours. Making his decision, Jack grabbed his gym bag, left a note for Zoe and headed for the door.

ooOOoo

After an intense workout and a light breakfast with fellow agents, Jack felt more like his normal self. Quietly entering the condominium, Jack wasn't surprised by the quiet that greeted him. Even though he had been up for hours, it was still barely sunrise. As he tiredly headed down the hall, Jack couldn't help but think about the few things Zoe had told him. The idea of a small town full of government geniuses was a wild idea but after living and working in DC so long, Jack knew it was entirely possible. He still couldn't fathom what a science town had to do with him. Jack knew he wasn't the most academically intelligent but common sense and hard work had taken him far.

Stripping and lying down on the bed, Jack felt sleep finally come to claim him. As he descended into the darkness of his sleep, the green eyes had appeared in this dream began to haunt him.

_"It's time, Jack."_

"Who are you?" Jack asked aloud. Before the answer came to him, sleep won out and Jack rested.

ooOOoo

Zoe woke after 9 am to find her father's bedroom door closed. Deciding to surprise him with hot coffee and his favorite breakfast, she headed to a small bistro down the street. She and her father went there for breakfast whenever she was in town and she knew that her father was a regular in the tiny yet popular café. The shop was packed as usual and Zoe wound her way through the crowd of waiting customers. As she stood in the to-go line, Zoe was surprised to hear her named being called above the din of the noisy customers. Scanning the crowd, Zoe felt her heart stop when she finally saw who called her name.


	4. Chapter 4

Dread filled her as she took leaden steps across the crowded room. This was a confrontation she hadn't been looking forward to and this wouldn't have been the location she'd chosen.

"Dr. Stark."

Nodded, acknowledging Zoë. Gesturing to the empty seat, he replied by way of greeting, "Join me."

Zoë bristled. The request sounded more like a demand and she contemplated walking away. Instead, she reluctantly sank into the offered chair, curious to hear what the good doctor had to say. She just hoped her face didn't give away all of her current feelings. In the meantime, Stark maintained an air of calmness. To a passing customer, the two of them were having a pleasant time sitting together but the tension around the table was almost palatable. After a moment, Zoë broached the subject.

"I know we are not here for pleasantries. Why are you trying to find my father now? He's at peace and he's happy."

Stark took a sip from his coffee. "It's time he knew the truth. Did you and Alison think I'd just forget about him?"

"It would have been better if you had. You are the reason he almost died." Zoë replied her voice tight and filled with anger and sadness.

When he didn't reply, Zoë took a long look at Nathan Stark. Under other circumstances, Zoë would have found him very attractive. The dark curling hair, combined with the piercing green eyes were intriguing and for the first time, she could see why her father had been attracted to the scientist. To her surprise, she could see the look of grief and sadness on his face at her last remark. She could feel her heart starting to soften and she sighed.

"Look, I know you didn't mean to hurt dad but…" Zoë took deep breath. "I heard you two arguing the night before the accident."

Nathan looked at her with startled eyes. Jack must didn't realize that Zoë at been at home when they had the fight about the artifact. It had been an ugly fight with Jack threatening to shut everything down to stop Nathan's experiment. Nathan retailed with scathing words and, to this day, he could still feel the stabbing pain at the hurt expression in Jack's eyes. It hurt even more to know that Jack was right about the experiment. Instead, Kim, Nathan's assistant and Henry's wife had been killed and Jack, who had been there in a last ditch effort to stop him, had been gravely injured. Henry had eventually forgiven him but Alison and Zoë made sure he wouldn't get the chance to hurt Jack again.

"I didn't… we didn't know you were home. You were never intended to hear that."

Declined a cup of coffee from the server, Zoe returned her focus to Nathan. "That's over now. The fact remains that you hurt him in more ways than one and he doesn't remember any of it."

Once again, Nathan was shocked into to momentary silence. Jack had amnesia? That would explain a great deal, especially why it was easier for Allison to keep Jack's information buried. Nathan hadn't expected to be confronted with the fact that Jack wouldn't remember who he was and what they had together before it was so tragically taken away.

"You don't think I regret what happened between me and your father? I think I at least deserve a chance to hear from him that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me."

Resisting the urge to slam her hand on the table, Zoe angrily replied. "He doesn't know you! He doesn't remember you! Everything about Eureka was wiped from his mind! For a long time, he had…" At this point, Zoe was mortified that her voice broke. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "For a long time, he didn't even remember me. It's like it hurt him too much to think about Eureka and so he just wiped it away."

Nathan handed Zoe napkins to wipe the tears that had begun to creep down her face.

"When he finally woke up and we tried to tell him, it hurt his head so bad and we stopped telling him. Soon it became apparent that he wasn't going to try to remember because of the pain. Now it seems the memories are trying to come back anyway."

Perking up at that statement, Nathan quickly asked. "What do you mean?"

Continuing to dab her face, Zoe replied. "When I told him about Eureka yesterday, he had a massive headache. It hurt him enough to take his meds and go to sleep. He hasn't done that in years. He's says it's stress but the doctor told us that if his memories try to return and he resists, that's what will happen."

Reaching across the table, Nathan gently touched Zoe's arm. "You have to let me see him."

Looking at him with watery eyes, Zoe shook her head. "I don't want him hurt again."

For a moment, neither spoke, instead just staring across the chasm at each other. Nathan finally broke the silence. "I want my chance. You, your mother, and Allison took away my chance to make it right with Jack."

Zoe closed her eyes and looked away. Deep inside, she had known it would eventually come to this. Her father would have to make his own choice.

"Let's go. I'm sure you know where dad lived."


	5. Chapter 5

Jack found Zoe's note on the fridge. As he waited for her return, he watched sports highlights from the previous day. So engrossed in his television watching, he almost didn't hear Zoe enter. Turning to greet her, he was surprised to see a man with her. He was tall with green eyes and black, curly hair. He was also vaguely familiar. As Jack pushed his mind to place the man, he could feel the beginnings of another headache.

"Dad," Zoe began. "This is part of what I came to tell you." She could see the confusion on her father's face and she noticed his eyes kept going back to Nathan. Zoe felt her heart speed up and she knew that was going to be worse than she ever imagined.

"Well, ok. Why don't you two have a seat?" As Zoe and the strange man took a seat on the couch, Jack noticed the man never stopped watching him. Jack again tried to think why his face was so familiar to him but the more he thought, the more his head ached.

Zoe took a deep breath. "This is Dr. Nathan Stark. Remember the town I told you about? Eureka? Well, he was there too."

Jack rubbed his temples trying to ward off the pain while missing the worried glances that passed between Nathan and Zoe. "I'm still at a loss here, Zo. What do this town and this Dr. Stark have to do with me?"

Zoe haltingly, explained about Eureka. As she told Jack about his being the sheriff and the time, they had spent there. When she got ready to tell her father about his and Nathan's relationship, Nathan stopped her.

"I think this is where I come in."

By now, Jack's head was splitting and he was trying vainly to hide it. His curiosity was outweighing the pain for the moment and Jack could feel deep inside he had to hear what this man had to say.

"I'm Nathan Stark. I'm a scientist in Eureka." Nathan was surprised to feel the words choke in his throat. "I was also your lover."

ooOOoo

At the word "lover", an explosion happened in Jack's head. The pain was blinding and Jack wasn't sure if he would survive it. Closing his eyes, he could only pray that it would stop. He could faintly hear Zoe and Nathan calling his name. His mind's eye was becoming overloaded with pictures. He could suddenly see the town; himself in a sheriff's uniform and even a ragged jeep. He could also see himself in the arms of this man who stood in his living room. He could see them sharing passionate kisses, and making love. The smell of Nathan's cologne was overloading him and pushing the flood of memories.

Jack didn't realize he had moved from his chair and fallen to his knees, clutching his head. His nose had begun to bleed and as Zoe ran to call an ambulance, Nathan attempted to staunch the flow of blood. Jack looked into Nathan's green eyes and in a brief moment of clarity, spoke directly to him.

"It's you. You told me it was time."

Nathan was confused. "What do you mean, Jack?" However, Jack didn't answer, having passed out, submitting to the pain.

ooOOoo

It was the second longest ride to the hospital in Zoe's young life. She let Nathan ride with her father while she drove his car. As she sat in the waiting room, she made teary panicky calls to her mother and Allison. Nathan, who was with her spoke to Allison and explained the situation. It was a terse, tense phone call. As Nathan hung up, Dr. Cox, Jack's neurologist, came out to talk with them.

"It seems the mental block your father had in his mind is beginning to crumble. I gave him an antidepressant to see if that help him to let go of his resistance. For some reason, he is fighting the return of his memories. Could anyone explain to me what really happened to him?"

Nathan and Zoe exchanged glances. Walking up to the doctor, Nathan spoke.

"I think we need somewhere private to talk."


	6. Chapter 6

Jack lay in the darkness of his mind. He didn't want to face what was out there. He couldn't remember it all but he could remember Nathan. The sea green eyes, the feel of his rough beard against his face. The smell of his cologne as they lay entwined with one another. He could remember the loving words, the glances and the gentle touches.

However, he could also remember the pain, the anger and the hurting words. The final fight between then had been brutal. The words that had come from Nathan, from both of them in anger, had driven a deep wedge between them. When Jack went to stop the experiment, he wanted nothing more than to grab Nathan and just hold him. Pride reared its ugly head, Jack refused to back down, and he refused to let the knife wounds in his heart heal.

He now knew it was true when people say you can see your life flash before your eyes. Jack could now actually see the explosion as it started out. Kim, who was the closest to the explosion, was vaporized in moments. Before he could think or react, Jack felt the shockwave toss him like a piece of paper, his body flying through the air. As the pain of impact went through his now shattered body, that last thing Jack could remember seeing was Nathan's face. The last words he heard were Nathan's plea.

"Please don't leave me."

ooOOoo

Nathan and Zoe sat by Jack's bedside, neither speaking. After an hour of just listening to the monitors, Zoe had had enough.

"Why did you say those things? Did you really mean to hurt him?"

Rubbing his hands through his hair, Nathan didn't hesitate. "I was so angry. I thought he was questioning my abilities as a scientist. I thought I was so close to unlocking the secrets of the artifact and I thought he was saying I didn't have the skills to do it. We had the argument before but it had never been so ugly."

Nathan stood and standing at the bedside, he watched Jack for a moment. "When the explosion happened, I wanted to die right then and there. I thought he was dead. He looked at me for a moment and his eyes were so calm. When they closed, I just knew he was gone."

Turning his attention back to Zoe, Nathan continued. "When Allison spirited him away from Eureka, I lost it. It took months before I would even return to GD. Allison told me it was your wish to get him away from Eureka, away from me. The sad part is you were right. The last thing your father needed then was me, wallowing in guilt."

Zoe watched the man standing at her father's bedside. It was plainly obvious that he still loved her father, in spite of the time apart.

"What about now, Nathan? He has a long way to go. He may not want to be with you, even after all of this."

"Like I told you earlier," Nathan reached down and touched Jack's cheek. "I want to hear him tell me he no longer wants anything to do with me."

ooOOoo

Jack finally woke up the next day. Nathan was sitting in a chair, sleeping at an awkward angle. Taking a moment to look uninterrupted, Jack couldn't help but notice the gauntness of his face and the worry lines that had smoothed out some while Nathan slept. After everything that happened, Jack knew he wanted to figure out why Nathan had never given up on finding him.

It took the doctor coming into the room to finally awaken Nathan. He watched as Dr. Cox examined Jack and prepared him to be released. Once alone in the room, an awkward silence settled in the room.

"Why are you here, Nathan?"

Surprised at the question, Nathan nevertheless answered. "I had to know."

Confusion marred Jack's face. "Know what?"

Nathan gave a mirthless chuckle. "If this was your choice. Did you stay away because I was that terrible? I never in a million years imagined you had amnesia."

"So many things were said in those days before the accident…" Nathan interrupted Jack.

"And I regret every one of them. I thought you were saying that I couldn't do it. For a moment heard my father saying you aren't good enough and you aren't smart enough."

Jack watched the feeling dance across Nathan's face as he struggled to regain control of himself.

"Look, Jack. I know I lashed out but I never meant to hurt you. I wanted a chance to make things right but it was snatched away from me."

Suddenly, Jack had an 'aha' moment. "And I wanted to forget it all. For you to stab me and twist the knife, it was just so unbearable. I remember seeing your face before I lost consciousness. I remember your words."

"Don't leave me." Nathan whispered.

"You loved me." Jack whispered back.

Nathan replied with a smile. "I still do." His face then returned to its somber visage. "If you want me to walk away, I will."

"This is all so much to take in. I don't know who I am. I've spent the last two years living and missing a whole piece of me. It'll take some time for me to even get my mind together."

Nathan's smile returned. "Jack, I am a patient man."


	7. Chapter 7

If Nathan had expected the road to Jack's recovery and into his good graces to be easy, he soon discovered he was mistaken. After several tests, Jack was cleared to return to work. His memories had only come back in bits and pieces and he still wasn't ready to tackle them all. It may have seemed cowardly but Jack wasn't quite ready to deal with sensory overload. He had lived in a secret government town, where he nearly died, inadvertently, at the hands of his MALE lover. Jack didn't have a problem with having a male lover, but he was still trying to figure out how they had wound up together in the first place. The bits and pieces he could remember were vague except for the sex. The vagueness didn't bother Jack as much as the memory of the SEX. The very VIVID recollection of the feel of Nathan's body against his body left Jack feeling horny and frustrated.

Nathan didn't return to Eureka right away. He hovered around the hospital until Jack's release. Zoe stayed until Jack insisted she return to Boston. After reassuring her none of this was her fault, Jack found himself alone in his condo with Nathan, a familiar stranger. Nathan didn't push Jack to recall everything. Instead, they talked about what happened in their lives after the accident. Nathan loved the way Jack's eyes lit up when he talked about his work with the FBI and the things he could share about being in the Secret Service. Nathan told Jack about seeing him on duty in Chicago and his subsequent search. Jack blushed slightly but didn't respond.

Two weeks passed quickly. Nathan finally had to return to his responsibilities and so did Jack. On the day of Nathan's departure, Jack was up early. He was on duty for a press junket with the President and he was dropping Nathan off at the airport before he reported. After he showered, Jack tried to put Nathan's impending departure out of his mind. He almost hated to admit it, but he had become used to the scientist's presence. Jack appreciated Nathan not bringing up the past or trying to force Jack into anything he wasn't very sure he was prepared for. He was curious but he could sense a lot of pain along with whatever pleasures they shared. Placing the final changes on his tie, Jack decided denial was his best option.

Nathan straightened from his slumped position on Jack's couch when he heard to bedroom door opening. He was depressed about leaving Jack behind but he knew things weren't still whole between them. Jack had opened up about what was going on in his life since Eureka and the accident but it was plainly clear to Nathan that Jack was still choosing not to remember everything. He knew their relationship had difficult moments but Nathan wished there was a way to help Jack see that through it all they had loved each other fiercely. Frustrated, he knew not to push the issue but Nathan knew that until Jack willingly remembered EVERYTHING, they couldn't move forward.

Hearing the bedroom door open, Nathan's breath caught as he watched Jack walk down the hall. Clad in a dark suit, Jack was lean and breathtakingly handsome. His poise exuded confidence and once again, Nathan was smitten. He couldn't speak as he watched Jack grab his cell phone and slide it into his suit pocket. Once Jack slid the dark glasses on his face, casual Jack was gone. In his place was brusque, efficient agent, willing to put it all on the line to do his job.

When he caught Nathan staring, Jack couldn't help but smile and blush. The idea of being checked out amused Jack. He and other agents were somewhat used to the frank stares they often got from women and men when they were out in the public. However, the open stares he was receiving from Nathan were of a very different nature. The implications excited yet frightened him.

"So," Jack tried to control the sudden tremor in his voice. "Are you ready to roll?"

Hiding the smirk at the suddenly nervous Jack, Nathan grabbed his bag. "As ready as I'm going to be."

ooOOoo

The ride to the airport was quiet and uneventful. Neither man had much to say to fill the silence. Instead, they each were lost in their own thoughts. Nathan was wishing there was a way he could convince Jack to get on that plane with him but knowing it was impossible, he had resigned himself to at least hoping he would hear from Jack on a regular basis until he could get back to D.C.

Jack, on the other hand, was thinking about how much his whole perception of his life had changed in the last two weeks. He had actually come to terms with the gaping hole that was the two years of his memory. Now he was slowly beginning to remember another him. It was a Jack he didn't really know or understand. That Jack was content being sheriff, had fallen in love with a brilliant scientist and, oh yeah, almost died. It bugged Jack that he could only grasp at small parts of that person. The Jack he was more familiar with was driven to be successful and avoid relationships like the plague. He always blamed it on the job but now he had to face the possibility that, at least subconsciously, he still had unresolved issues with his own past relationships.

Stopping the car in the unloading area, Jack and Nathan sat quietly for a moment. It was hard for either man to part from each other's company. Nathan wanted to drag Jack back to Eureka and make him stay until regained all of his memories. Jack was also reluctant to part because suddenly he had so many questions but he wasn't 100 percent sure he was ready for all the answers.

"Well, I guess I'd better get moving." Nathan finally moved to get out of the car.

Jack nodded. "I suppose so." Silence once again filled the car.

After a long hard stare as if he were committing Jack's face to memory, Nathan pulled to door handle and got out of the car. Dazzling Jack with a brilliant smile, before he closed the door, Nathan had one last thing to say.

"See you around, Jack."


	8. Chapter 8

“Well?”

“Well, what?” Nathan arrived back in Eureka late in the afternoon and tried to avoid Allison. It was a successful mission for exactly two hours. Once word reached Allison that Nathan was in his office, she wasted no time heading there. Now she was trying not to reach across his desk and smack Nathan’s head for being deliberately obtuse.

“For the moment, I’m going to let it slide that you cracked into sealed files. How is Jack?”

Nathan stared at Allison, momentarily lost in his thoughts of Jack. “He’s fine…considering.”

Cocking a single eyebrow, Allison waited for Nathan to fill in the “considering” blank. After seeing he wasn’t going to get a rise from his ex-wife, Nathan responded with a question of his own.

“You knew Jack had amnesia?”

Taking a seat across from Nathan, Allison considered her answer for a moment. 

“Not at first. He was comatose for two months and some retrograde amnesia was expected. By the time I found out about the extent of his amnesia, Jack had been moved to Los Angeles. The doctors I spoke with felt it was up to Jack to remember. There was no visible brain damage and no reason for him to make a full mental recovery except for psychological reasons.”

Rubbing his forehead, Nathan could understand exactly what Allison meant. During his stay, it had become apparent to Nathan the fact that Jack was choosing not to remember his time Eureka. One of the main indicators was the massive headaches that struck whenever Jack attempted to recall in-depth detail.

“So the headaches are Jack’s mind attempting to protect him from his memories?”

Allison agreed. “I think so. Without seeing him, I can’t say conclusively but it sounds like it.”

Nathan’s next question stunned Allison. She couldn’t remember hearing such a haunted quality in his voice before, even with their history.

“Why did you take him away from me?”

Guilt coursed through her as she thought back to that time. She had never expected Nathan to react the way he did when he found out Jack had been moved without his knowledge.

“We thought we were doing the right thing. Everyone was panicky and upset. Kim was dead, Jack nearly so. You were so deep in your guilt and your own injuries that you would not have been able to help him. Everyone knew you two disagreed on the project” At the pointed look from Nathan, Allison inserted. “Like there are secrets in this town!” Continuing with her explanation, 

“Abby and Zoe made the final decision. They were listed as next of kin and they made the choice. In the beginning, no one was sure if Jack would…wake up. Moving him was for his own protection, at first. He needed long-term care and you know we aren’t equipped for that here. Then Zoe called. Jack had woken up but he didn’t remember Eureka. He didn’t even remember Zoe as the teenager she had become.” Allison’s voice became quiet.

“She blamed you, Nathan.”

Sadness enveloped him for a moment. “I know, she told me. I can’t say that I blame her. Just recalling the things that I said in anger…” Nathan shook his head, trying to remove the memory of that horrible fight. Every day for the rest of his life, he would regret that moment in time.

A tense silence permeated the office. Allison finally decided to continue. “She asked us to keep you away. She was afraid that you finding Jack would be too much for him to take. He was gradually recovering but then the headaches started whenever they started to tell him about the accident or about Eureka.”

“So a mutual decision was made to not push the issue?” Nathan stood and began to pace. Allison was surprised to see such tension radiate from the normally unflappable scientist. She had long come to understand that with Nathan when it came to Jack, all bets were off.

“It was more important for Jack to fully recover physically. You know the extent of his injuries. When he was brought to the infirmary, it was touch and go for a while.”

Sighing, Nathan knew Allison was right. He had never been more afraid than when he first went to see Jack in the infirmary. Bandaged from head to toe and with machines were breathing for him, Nathan felt a part of himself die. In their whole relationship, Nathan had never seen Jack so…still. He looked so fragile and a strong surge of guilt tore through Nathan, destroying him because he knew the entire accident had been his fault. So caught up in the strong memories, Nathan failed to realize Allison had been calling his name until she touched his hand.

“Nathan?”

Shaking his head to clear it, Nathan sat down again. Allison’s next question surprised him.

“What are you planning to do now?”

Nathan thought for a moment and gave a broken sigh. He knew everything depended on Jack for them to move forward. “Nothing. It’s up to Jack to decide what he wants to do. If he can’t handle remembering the past, I’ll have to figure out how to let him go.”

ooOOoo

The next few weeks were busy for Jack. He was on his rotation to accompany the president and he couldn’t wait for it to be over. In the heat of the summer, it was miserable work. Most days, he was so tired and drained from the heat, all he could do was shower and collapse into bed. He , however, did make sure to email Zoe and Nathan every few days. Emails to Zoe were typically father/daughter emails, checking on her schoolwork, seeing if she needed anything, and letting him know that he loved her. His emails to Nathan were different. Jack was at a loss, at first. There were still questions he wanted to ask, but even virtually, they were hard. He wanted to know more about their relationship, how they had come together, and where was their relationship heading. Instead, he stuck with recaps of his day and questions about Eureka. 

Truthfully, he was very curious about Eureka and his role in the town. Nathan shared some pictures of the town and other non-classified information. Jack knew he was avoiding the elephant in the room but he couldn’t decide if he was ready to face the whole story. His memory was still bits and pieces and after talking with the company shrink, Jack knew he was in full avoidance mode. The pictures Nathan sent began to spark some memory of the town and Jack soon had a bulletin board full. Sometimes, he would spend hours just staring at them, shuffling the images through his mind.

His relationship with Nathan was the one thing he had be refusing to probe deeply. He wanted to know but then he didn’t. Jack knew he had never been a coward but he was fearful of discovering the entire truth behind their “affair”. Jack had never given his sexuality a thought but he had to admit knowing he had been involved and possibly loved a man piqued his curiosity. He wanted to know what it was about Nathan that had drawn him. He readily admitted to himself that the scientist was handsome but Jack knew there had to be more. Jack didn’t give his love freely and he knew answering the question of his attraction to Nathan would force him to dig into his own mind and answer some questions about himself. The accident in Eureka caused his mind to shield him from something and Jack knew eventually he’d have to deal with it.


	9. Chapter 9

The three weeks after Nathan left, Jack’s life returned to some semblance of normal. His days were consumed with work, leaving little room for anything else other than sleep. He did make sure to email Zoe and Nathan daily. They were usually brief but Jack knew if he didn’t keep in touch, he shouldn’t be surprised to find one or both of them at his door at some god-awful hour. 

He knew he was still avoiding the memories of the past. Bits and pieces would hit him when he was awake but he would ignore them. He had no desire to repeat an episode like when Nathan and Zoe were in town. Jack’s shrink talked to him about his avoidance but Jack figured he had forgotten the majority of the past for a reason and he had no desire to pick apart those reasons. The one place he couldn’t escape was at night when he slept. The memories would plague him in dreams, visions of people he didn’t know or a place he couldn’t remember visiting. Sometimes, the dreams would only be of Nathan. At times, they were loving but sometimes, they were angry. In the angry dreams, it was as if Jack was behind a glass wall. He could see himself and Nathan arguing but he couldn’t hear the words. The one thing that always stood out to Jack was the hurt that was clearly showing on both of their faces. He struggled to hear what was being said but instead, he usually found himself waking up, filled with anguish. At those times, he longed to call Nathan but he resisted the urge, choosing to burrow under the covers and just lay there until sleep overtook him.

ooOOoo

Late July is brutal in D.C. Even though his workout started in the pre-dawn hours of that Monday, by sunrise, he was soaked in sweat, the heat nearly unbearable. Gratefully, he showered and was on his way out when another agent stopped him and informed him the commanding officers wanted to see him. Looking ruefully at his very casual t-shirt and shorts, Jack could only shrug. When the boss called, you reported.

ooOOoo

“Jack, you’ve been requested for a special assignment. You’ll leave Washington in two days.” Borden, the commanding officer informed him, sliding a folder across his desk.  
Jack glanced through the folder, stunned. The information was basic, giving no clue of the location or what he would be doing other than being a member of the security detail.  
“Sir, if I can ask, who requested me?”  
Borden looked at his papers. “General Mansfield. He specifically asked for you.”  
Jack couldn’t stop the frown that married his face. The name sounded vaguely familiar but Jack couldn’t place it. There were so many generals in Washington that maybe he was confusing it with someone else. He also wondered why he would be specifically requested. This day was growing more unusual by the moment. Taking his leave, Jack headed home to read the file more thoroughly and to let Zoe know he would be out of touch for a while. He figured a phone call would be better than email. Zoe would have a million questions but she understood the nature of the job and knew he couldn’t answer many of them but she seemed to feel better hearing the few details she could directly from him. Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind.  
“Oh yea, I’ll have to call Nathan too.”  
Jack couldn’t help the smile that decorated his face. The idea of talking to Nathan inexplicably made him happy. Jack didn’t dare attempt to analyze what that could mean.  
ooOOoo  
Nathan couldn’t help but smile after hanging up the phone with Jack. They had been talking via email for the past three weeks but Nathan hadn’t realized how much he had missed hearing Jack’s gruff voice until he called. He would have been upset about Jack being out of contact on assignment if he hadn’t known exactly what Jack’s assignment was to be. Allison hadn’t agreed with idea initially but she gave in, knowing the only way to help Jack regain all of his memories was for him to return to the place of the trauma. Placing a call, Nathan was surprised that she picked up so quickly.  
“He’ll be here Wednesday.” There was silence on the other end for a moment, then a sigh.  
“I still have misgivings about this, Nathan. I don’t want to force something that Jack may not be ready to handle.” Allison finally said. Nathan gave a sigh of his own. “Jack’s been having dreams. That incident where he blacked out was nothing more than the memories struggling to surface. His own shrink says he needs to face them before they overtake him. Would you rather have him here or on the other side of the country when that happens?”  
Allison gave what sounded like a growl through the phone lines. “First of all, I’m going to ignore the fact you are hacking into private medical files. You are right as much as it pains me to admit that about this scheme. If everything comes back to him, I’d rather he’d be here so we can keep him safe. If it happened in Washington, they would have him committed before we even knew what happened.”  
Nathan asked another question. “Should we let Zoe know about what we have planned?”  
Allison replied. “No! She’ll feel like we all betrayed her. I know she has gotten better about Eureka but she is still fearful for her father. I don’t blame her. She’s afraid to lose Jack and if he breaks, she just might.”  
ooOOoo  
Wednesday morning dawned hot and humid as Jack hurried through coffee and toast. The departure time was 8 a.m. and while it was barely 6, Jack wanted to be early in order to see if any more details would be revealed. The dossier he had been given only had the barest information. Jack knew as a part of the job, intel was often kept to a minimum but if baffled him that the security detail was kept in the dark also. He had become accustomed to being the advance team and the secrecy was beginning to irritate him and rouse his suspicions.  
ooOOoo  
The briefing was uneventful and except for a few strange looks from General Mansfield, Jack gained no more knowledge. They were headed to a secret government facility to check protocols and security readiness. The security detail was small, consisting of Jack, another Secret Service agent named Catlin Low and 3 FBI agents. They talked for a while, mapping out a plan of action as best they could with the limited knowledge they possessed. With a long, non-stop flight ahead of them, one by one the agents eventually fell asleep.  
Several hours later, Catlin nudged Jack awake. She explained they were landing in 30 minutes. Jack took the time to get his thoughts together and by the time they landed, all the agents were in professional mode. They couldn’t help but grin at each other as they took in their shaded visages and dark attire. One of the FBI agents gave a chuckle.  
“We look like we should be in the “Men in Black.” All the agents laughed. It was enough to break the tension of stepping into an unknown situation. Exiting the plane, the entourage loaded into several black SUVs, grateful for the cool temperatures compared to the sauna they left behind in D.C. Taking in the woods along the roadway, everyone couldn’t help but wonder where they were. Mansfield or his people hadn’t been forthcoming and frankly, all of the security staff was on edge. They had never been placed in a situation where they were totally blind to information. Jack couldn’t help but frown. It felt too much like a set up but for what purpose?  
ooOOoo  
The entourage had been traveling an hour when they finally reached their destination. Everyone was sufficiently surprised to find the facility was in fact a completely secret town. Jack was filled with a sense of foreboding as they rode through the town. He couldn’t place his finger on it but something about it had him on hyper alert. The motorcade stopped in front of a huge modern building. Automatically scanning the area, Jack’s eyes stopped on the group of four leaving the building and advancing towards them. With a quick glance, he noted the other agents also watched the group. As they got closer, Jack’s stomach dropped and his heart began to race. Years of training kept his distress from showing on his face and he was grateful for the shades hiding his eyes. He could only watch in silence as General Mansfield went forth to greet Dr. Nathan Stark and the rest of his committee.  
ooOOoo  
Nathan, Henry, Allison and Jo stood anxiously, waiting for General Mansfield to arrive. Everyone in town that had known Jack had been briefed and they all knew not to approach him for the moment. Jo gasped when Jack stepped out of the SUV and Allison squeezed Nathan’s arm. Struggling with their composure, they all went to meet General Mansfield. It took everything in their power not to directly greet Jack or react when he was introduced. Instead, everything was calm and professional.  
The entourage was shown to their quarters and only then did Jack allow his professional veneer to drop. Shaking, he sat down on the bed and struggled to regain control of his emotions. He didn’t know what scheme Nathan was up to but bringing him to this town was a lowdown trick. No one had mentioned the name of the town but he was sure it was the Eureka Nathan had been describing. He knew he was trapped until the job was finished but he would make sure to stay with his fellow agents and not allow Nathan or his cronies to push him into a situation that would destroy his fragile peace.  
ooOOoo  
Jack was a no-show at dinner but Nathan pretty much expected that. He knew the events of the day had to be overwhelming to Jack and Nathan hated to be the cause of the distress. Nathan was impressed with the grace and calm Jack had shown through the introductions, giving nothing away. Nathan also knew that if he would have been able to see Jack’s eyes, nothing could have hidden whatever Jack was feeling.  
Making a quick decision, Nathan had Vince deliver a meal to GD. Taking the bag, Nathan ignored the questioning look from Vince and walked down to the guest quarters. Knocking on the door, at first, Nathan thought Jack wouldn’t come to the door but after a few minutes it opened. Nathan sucked in a deep breath as he took in Jack’s haggard appearance. There were shadows around his eyes and Nathan could see that stress of the day was taking a toll on him.  
“You missed dinner. I thought you might like something to eat.”  
Jack only stared at him. Anger warred with the wonderful smells coming from the bag in Nathan’s hand. Finally, hunger won out and Jack allowed Nathan to come inside the room. Taking the bag, Jack ignored Nathan’s presence, focusing his attention on the food. He couldn’t help the smile that broke on his face when he saw the bag contained a bacon cheeseburger and fries. Spreading his food out on the small coffee table, Jack sat down to eat.  
Nathan took a seat in the armchair on the other side of the table. The guest quarters were small but functional. It consisted of a small sitting room with a couch, armchair and a coffee table with a tv mounted on the wall. The other room was a bedroom with a full bed, dresser and a wall mounted tv. The quarters also had an ensuite bathroom. Watching Jack eat, Nathan was pleased to see some of the stress leaving Jack’s face as he devoured the burger. Nathan enjoyed the silence while he could, knowing the explosion was coming.  
Sated for the moment, Jack sat back and studied Nathan. He was vaguely amused to see the worried look on Nathan’s face but he wasn’t going to be distracted.  
“So are you going to explain to me why in the hell I’m here?”  
Nathan couldn’t speak for a moment, trying to figure out how to say what was going on without telling everything or infuriating Jack.  
“Well, I thought you needed to see Eureka for yourself. When the opportunity came up to get you here, I jumped on it.”  
Jack frowned. He could feel Nathan was leaving something out. “Why all the secrecy? Is the job I’m here for a ruse?”  
Nathan looked at Jack like he had lost his mind. “If I had told you about this job, would you have accepted it and come to Eureka.” Jack had the grace to blush and his silence answered Nathan’s question.  
“The job is real, Jack. Global is undergoing a security check and that’s what you’ll be doing.” Nathan stood. “I’m going to let you get some sleep. You have a busy day tomorrow.”  
Jack stood and walked with Nathan to the door. They stood awkwardly for a moment, Jack fighting the urge to squirm under Nathan’s intense gaze.  
“I’m glad you’re here, Jack. Seriously.” Nathan stated as he opened the door and walked out. Jack closed the door and leaned against. He still couldn’t shake the feeling of foreboding.  
“I wish I could say the same, Nathan.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is for Tarlan because I really want her to read it!

All things considered, Jack slept surprisingly well. The jet lag and emotional stress put him down for the count. For the first time in a long while, his sleep was dreamless and he didn’t waken until the alarm went off at 6 am. By seven, he was showered, dress and ravenous. In the elevator, Jack was pleased to meet up with Caitlin and two of the FBI agents, also headed to the cafeteria. More relaxed in the company of his fellow agents, Jack joined in the good-natured jokes and ribbing, unaware of the two sets of eyes watching him from across the room.

Henry and Allison sat in the far corner, taking in the smiling visage of the one time friend. Both of them felt the pang of grief when it became apparent that Jack didn’t recognize them. As soon as she could, Jo had left the meet and greet. Allison knew Jo had taken the lack of recognition extremely hard. She and Jack had become close friends and it had taken well over a year before Jo had come close to even speaking to Nathan again. Even now, there relationship was professional but tense.

“He looks well.” Allison noted her breakfast sitting untouched in front of her. 

Henry only picked at his own food. “He does. Have you been keeping tabs on him?”

“Mostly through Zoë. She calls or emails regular updates. It’s just so different seeing him in person. Physically, he looks well.”

“But?” Henry persisted.

“He’s not allowing himself to remember the town, his relationship with anyone in the town. According to Zoë and Nathan, he’s starting to have flashes of memories but because he is so actively trying NOT to remember, they are causing him intense headaches to the point of blacking out. I really think he’s heading for a break.” Sighing, Allison stared across the room at Jack, who was all smiles with his companions.

“I hate that we had to resort to trickery to get him here but it’s the only way we can protect him.”

ooOOoo

The day of meetings was boring and unevenly in Jack’s opinion. He stayed close to his group and made sure to avoid the members of the Eureka team. He and several agents agreed to meet for dinner at 7:30. Since the meeting ended at 4:00, Jack decided to go for a run to clear his head. After changing clothes, jack headed down the road that bought them into town. As he hit the outskirts and entered the forest, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. To his surprise, he enjoyed the quietness of the surrounding woods. After growing accustomed to the sounds of the never sleeping city, it was pleasant to only hear the sounds of nature. With the sound of his own breathing keeping him company, Jack was surprised when his run meter beeped the three-mile turnaround. 

As he headed back, his thoughts turned to the meeting. He had caught the hard stares from Nathan but he ignored them, focusing his attention on the briefing. What was perplexing was the behavior of Nathan’s coworkers. The two women often watched him with sad but hopeful expressions on their faces. The other man watched him with a more thoughtful expression. The dull ache that started whenever he thought too hard about his missing past started in his temples. Shaking his head to dismiss his thoughts, Jack couldn’t stop his mind from rolling like a runaway train. Names and pieces of memory began popping unbidden into his head.

_“Her name is Allison. You had a crush on her.”_

The pain began to increase and Jack pushed his body harder. He knew if he stopped, he would probably collapse on the side of the road. The memories continued as the pain increase.

_“Jo…Josephina…a deputy…MY deputy.”_

Never had Jack been happier to see the GD building looming on the horizon. He was almost certain he was going to be physically ill, from both the headache and the now punishing run.

_“He was your best friend. Henry…How could you forget Henry?”_

As he made his way to the guest quarters, fatigue had Jack’s legs shaking. Seeing his door nearly made him cry in relief. Jack went straight to the bathroom, where he promptly vomited. Almost crawling to the bed, Jack collapsed, still dressed in his sweaty running clothes. 

_“Just a few minutes then I’ll get up.”_ He told himself as he slipped into darkness.

ooOOoo

40 minutes passed before Jack could roust himself enough to get up. Glancing at the clock, Jack noticed it was 6:30. Heading for the shower, Jack quickly cleaned himself and dressed, failing to notice how pale he was and the circles that had developed around his eyes. He knew the first night missing a meal with the group was overlooked but two nights in a row would create curiosity and that was the last thing Jack wanted.

Arriving at Café Diem promptly at 7, Jack was glad to see the others. Several of the agents noted his pale appearance but he put it off on overdoing his run. This confession led to a discussion into training and other topics. Jack was grateful and soon lost himself in the conversation.

His appearance didn’t go unnoticed by others either. Allison and Nathan were eating with General Mansfield and his entourage when Jack walked in and join his fellow agents. No comment was made on Jack’s appearance but there was no stopping the worried glances they sent across the café. Nathan couldn’t help but worry if Jack had another episode. Guilt stormed into his conscience as he wondered if bringing Jack to Eureka was too much. Nathan knew before he could sleep, he would have to stop by the room and check on Jack. He was tempted to suggest the bunker but with Jack showing so much instability, being around S.A.R.A.H would probably push him over the edge. Another hour of listening to Mansfield drone on was going to be the worst torture ever.

ooOOoo

As much as he enjoyed being in the company of people he could freely discuss his job, Jack had never been so glad to return to his bed. It had taken all of his energy and conscience thought to remain upright and at least pretend that every thing was ok. Undressing as he walked though the small sitting room to the bedroom, Jack didn’t bother to put anything away and fell into the bed, clad only in his boxers. Before he could even pull the covers over his body, Jack had fallen unconscious. 

ooOOoo

Nathan knocked on the door an hour later but received no answer. He knew Jack was in his room and had been for quite sometime. Standing with the master key card in his hand, Nathan debated on entering and angering Jack or waiting on Jack to answer the door. Knocking again, Nathan uncharacteristically rocked on his heels, worrying, not for the first time that evening, that something was seriously wrong with Jack. He knew from spending the night with Jack that he was a light sleeper and he should have been up and at the door by now. After another 5 minutes of waiting, Nathan decided he could live with another screw up being added to Jack’s list against him and entered the room. 

Following the trail of discarded clothes, Nathan’s heart nearly stopped when he saw Jack lying across the bed in his boxers. As he approached the bed, Nathan could see that Jack was deadly pale. Almost fearing the worst, Nathan was relieved when he touched the sleeping man and was rewarded with a shudder and a moan. Knowing he needed to assess Jack’s condition, Nathan rolled him over and tried to wake him.

“Jack, wake up.”

Jack mumbled and attempted to unseeingly push Nathan’s hand away.

“No…wake…hurts.”

Frowning, Nathan sat on the edge of the bed. 

“What hurts, Jack? Wake up and talk to me.”

For a long moment, there was silence, and then slowly, Jack’s eyes opened. Nathan was shocked to see how bloodshot they were. He could tell Jack was attempting to focus but he didn’t have to wait long until Jack was more coherent.  
“Nathan?”

With his hand resting on Jack’s arm, Nathan hoped he was reassuring him.

“It’s me, Jack. You have to tell me what’s happening so I can help you.”

Jack’s eyes fluttered close, his voice low and filled with pain.

“It hurts so bad, even when I’m sleep, it hurts. I can’t stop everything from coming back. It feels like my brain is overflowing.”

Nathan’s heart began to race. He knew the break they had feared was coming and Jack was still fighting it.

“Jack, you have to stop fighting it. You’re only making yourself sick.”

Slowly, Jack shook his head. “You don’t understand. It hurts too much to remember. I can’t go through that pain again.”

With his own memory of that day and the events leading up to it etch in his memory; Nathan could feel his own heart breaking again. Every moment he had woken up without Jack destroyed him and Nathan knew he had been dying on the inside until he found Jack. As much as it would hurt Jack, Nathan knew he couldn’t allow him to keep everything bottled inside of his soul. The denial was destroying him and unless Jack finally faced everything, he would soon be irreparably broken.

“I’m sorry, Jack. I’ll never stop apologizing for that day. I can’t let you do this to yourself, even if you’ll hate me later.”

Stepping away for privacy, Nathan called Allison from the sitting room.

“Allie, it’s me. The break is happening. It’s time.”


	11. Chapter 11

It seemed to take forever for Allison to arrive. She quickly sedated Jack, allowing him to sleep pain-free for the time being. 

“I don’t know how long the sedative will last. I gave him the minimum dose until we can get a better idea on what it going on in his head.”

Nathan paced the floor of the tiny sitting room. “We need to move him to the infirmary.” He insisted.

Allison disagreed. “We can’t right now without attracting attention. He’s resting for the moment and it’ll give us a chance to figure out how to get him upstairs with alerting Mansfield.”

Before Nathan could respond, a knock at the door startled him. With questioning eyes, he turned to Allison.

“It should be Henry and Jo. I figured they could help us out.”

Nathan shook his head but opened the door., Henry and Jo’s faces both showed their worry and Nathan couldn’t help but cringe a bit at the angry, pointed look delivered by Jo.

“How is he?” Jo addressed Allison, still shooting looks at Nathan.

“Sedated at the moment but he should be upstairs so we can do an MRI. It would give us a clearer picture of what’s going on with his brain activity.”

Henry agreed. “The sooner we can do this, the better. How soon can we move him?”

“Mansfield has them on lights out by 10. It’s 9:30 now.” Jo replied after checking her watch.

Allison sighed. “Well, I guess we just have to wait.”

ooOOoo

Catlin couldn’t shake the feeling something was seriously wrong with Jack. She and Jack had started in the Secret Service together and for the past two years, had become good friends. She knew about his hospitalization a few weeks before this assignment and while Jack had brushed it off as his daughter overreacting, Catlin knew him well enough to know Jack was hiding something. 

His appearance at dinner shocked her. Jack was pale and his eyes appeared bruised and sunken. Once again, he brushed it off but Catlin knew something had happened to Jack while he was out for his run. She knew the concern would continue to nag her until she talked to Jack and forced him to tell her what was going on. Slipping into her shoes, Catlin headed downstairs to Jack’s room, praying she was overreacting. 

ooOOoo

The loud knock on the door startled everyone in the room. They all stared at the door for a long moment, trying to figure out who could it be. The person knocked again and this time they heard a voice. 

“Jack, it’s me, Cat. I know you’re in there and I’m not leaving until I get answers!”

In silent agreement, Jo went to the door and opened it to Catlin’s surprised face. Everyone in the room was equally surprised to see Catlin at the door. After being quickly ushered in, Catlin faced an awkward silence. Not expecting to see everyone connected with Eureka in the room momentarily cooled Catlin’s eagerness. However, once she noticed Jack was not among them, she quickly recalled her reasons for being there. 

“Where is Jack? I know something is wrong with him and I came to check on him.”

Seeing the wary glances passed between the quartet, Catlin exploded.

“Don’t bullshit me! What have you done to Jack? Why is he not here with you? If I need to, I’ll go to Mansfield to find out what’s going on!”

Allison sighed and quickly gave Catlin a condensed version of what was going on with Jack, not mentioning his previous time in Eureka or their relationship with him. Catlin had enough experience to know when she wasn’t getting the whole truth but she was willing to let it slide…for now. 

“Can I at least see him?”

A quick nod from Allison and Catlin was ushered in by Jo. A strangled gasp escaped her lips as she took in the pale, now sleeping form of her friend and fellow agent. Going to his bedside, Catlin brushed his damp hair away from his forehead.

“Oh, Jack.” She whispered. “Why did you let it get this bad?”

Jo watched the scene for a moment, touched by the concern shown. “What do you mean?”

Catlin reluctantly turned from Jack. “I knew something was wrong when Jack came to dinner. He has been having issues with his head for a few months now. He wouldn’t tell me what was going on, always brushed it off. I don’t know what happened when his daughter came to visit but he wound up in the hospital. I let him brush it off again. I knew I should have pushed the issue with him.”

Jo patted her arm. “Jack has a way of deflecting the attention from himself. We all should have been more aware of what was going on with him.”

Catlin nodded in agreement, her mind racing. She realized that Jack evidently had some past with these people. She knew there would be no clear answers until Jack woke up. With one last look at him lying in the bed, Catlin moved to the sitting room, eager to see what was next on this group’s plan.

ooOOoo  
The journey to the infirmary was surprising anti-climatic and soon, Jack was safely ensconced in a private room away from the potentially curious staff eyes. One he was connected to monitoring machines, Allison stepped outside to join the rest of the anxiously waiting group. 

“He’s resting for the moment. The monitors will let me know of any changes. I can’t get him into the MRI until the morning, so the goal right now is to just keep him stable.”

“How are you going to cover his absence?” Catlin asked.

This time, Nathan responded. “You all will be divided into groups tomorrow, monitoring different sections of GD. You won’t see each other at all so I put Jack in my group so his presence won’t be missed.”

Catlin nodded not missing the scowl Jo shot at Nathan. Henry saw it too and tried to head things off. 

“We all need to rest. Mansfield will suspect something if we all turn up tired tomorrow. He has already questioned the reasons we have Jack here in the first place.”

“I wondered the same thing.” Jo mumbled loud enough to be heard by Nathan. 

An angry Nathan turned to Jo. He was sick of the jabs and comments and added to his worry caused his last bit of control to snap. Jo nearly flinched at the burning hardness of his eyes.

“You. My office. Now!”

Jo, to her credit, stood her ground. “You just can’t order me around!”

Nathan’s eyes narrowed and his voice took on the tone reserved for his underlings who had royally screwed up. “Actually, I can. If you intend to remain in your position as Chief of Security, I suggest you make your way to my office, NOW!”

Without waiting for a response, he turned and strode out the door, leaving a red-faced and furious Jo staring at the spot where Nathan had been standing. After a moment of huffing and puffing, Jo stormed out behind him. Allison moved to follow him but Henry stopped her. 

“Let them go. This is something that should have happened between them years ago.”  
ooOOoo

Nathan knew he wouldn’t have to wait long for Jo to arrive. He was actually looking forward to this fight. Since the accident, Jo hadn’t hesitated to make her feelings known. In the beginning, Nathan had been too wrapped up in his own guilt and grief to give her any attention but as time passed, he was more and more irritated by her behavior. While it didn’t bother him to pull rank the way he did, before the accident, Nathan as come to regard Jo as someone whose opinion he respected. He knew she blamed him for the accident and he could accept that because he blamed himself but in the few days since Jack’s return, Jo’s presence had become nearly intolerable. 

Jo stormed in, ready for their confrontation. When Jack almost died, Jo had been emotionally destroyed. Jack had become as close as a brother to her as well as one of her best friends and to know he nearly died over selfish pride, caused her to burn with anger. Everything Jack was going through was due to the egotistical scientist in front of her and she had every intention of making sure he knew exactly how she felt. 

“Dragging me down here is not going to change anything I have to say to you!”

Scowling, Nathan ran his hair through his dark curls and sat on the edge of his desk. “Fine. Say it.”

Momentarily shocked, Jo gaped before started her tirade. 

“This is your entire fault! Jack nearly died and now he’s suffering even more because of you. It would have been better for you to leave in oblivion than for him to have to go through all of this. But nooooo, Mr. Big Shot Scientist, selfish as always, you had to drag him here and force him to relive this! I’m starting to think you enjoy seeing Jack suffer!”

Nathan didn’t interrupt Jo, letting her rant until she ran out of steam. After 10 more minutes of listening to her heap abuse on him, he finally saw her stopped. When Jo became quiet, he began to speak.

“The mutual decision was made to bring Jack here because of the mental attacks. Allison and I thought we could better help him here than leaving him alone in Washington.”

Jo opened her mouth to comment but raising his hand, Nathan stopped her.

“Yes, my motives started out selfishly. I went to Washington to see Jack because I wanted to see him. I love him even though he doesn’t remember everything. I deserve to hear him tell me to my face that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.”

Surprised by the unexpected confession, Jo’s face softened. “I didn’t know you really cared.”

Nathan moved around the desk and sat heavily in his chair. “I’ll have to live with the guilt of what I’ve done forever. I cost Henry his wife and I lost Jack.” Pausing for a minute, Nathan took a deep breath. Looking Jo straight in the eye, his green eyes stormy, he dropped a bombshell.

“Jack didn’t almost die, he did die. Jack died in my arms.”

Collapsing in the chair in front of the desk, Jo felt breathless. “He…died?”

Nathan closed his eyes, the image still vivid in his mind. As he held Jack’s broken body, Nathan could see the peace in Jack’s face and watched as Jack’s eyes went blank and closed. Moments later, he saw Jack’s chest stop moving and Nathan’s mind went blank with fear. At the same time, the medics burst into the room and, moving Nathan out the way, resuscitated Jack and moved him quickly to the infirmary. Nathan never told anyone about that moment, letting it fester inside of him as another of his failings towards Jack. 

“You see, Jo. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I’ll do whatever it takes to help Jack, even if he hates me for it, even if he chooses to walk away. I failed him once, I won’t fail him again.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A clearing of the air and a forward advance.
> 
> A/N: Jack's reaction is not totally uncommon. People react differently to strong medicines, especially those that are used to render someone unconscious.

The first time Jack woke up, the pain had gone from explosion to just a small hammer inside of his brain. He tried to focus in the dimly lit room but the effort was exhausting with the amount of meds still coursing through his veins and with an audible sigh, his eyes slid close, missing the worried but relieved gaze from Nathan. 

ooOOoo

A few hours later, Jack’s conscience tried to surface from the darkness of sleep. Marginally more successful, Jack struggled to connect his thoughts. His body ached and his head still throbbed. As he became more awake, Jack suddenly realized he was no longer in his room and with the meds in his blood reigning, he panicked. Jack began to struggle with the covers and cords, trying to get out of the bed. When the monitors sounded their alarm, Jack’s panic went into overdrive. 

Allison ran into the room with another technician to find jack thrashing wildly on the bed, the heavy doses of medicine from earlier still hindering his rationale mind. Not wanting to give him any more medication, Allison paged Nathan while 2 male technicians struggled to strap Jack to the bed. 

ooOOoo

Entering the room, Nathan was horrified and angry to see Jack struggling against restraints. The room was filled to bursting with the sounds of the multiple alarms blaring. Jack’s face was flushed and he was on the verge of hyperventilating. As his furious gaze met Allison’s, she hurriedly explained.

“Jack’s fighting. It’s a reaction to the amount of medicine we had to give him. He’s not responding to us. Maybe you can reach him.”

Taking a deep breath, Nathan swallowed his anger and approached the bed. Sitting on the side of it, he told Allison, “I need you to leave.”

Allison hesitated for a moment but Nathan ignored her presence. Instead, he focused on removing the straps from Jack’s arms. He heard rather than saw Allison leave as he took off the last restraint. Expecting a fight, Nathan wasn’t surprised when Jack attempted to push past him and get out of the bed. Pushing Jack back against the bed, Nathan called his name, trying to reach Jack through the drug induced panic. At first, it seemed as if Nathan would have to put Jack back into the restraints.

“Jack, please! It’s Nathan. You’re safe.”

At the word ‘safe’, Nathan could see a faint glimmer of recognition in Jack’s eyes. Encouraged, he continued to try and reach Jack. The struggles gradually stopped, and then Nathan cradled Jack against his chest, rocking him as if Jack were a baby. He softly and repeatedly reminded Jack he was safe. The monitors quieted as Jack calmed down and his breathing leveled out. 

The first thing Jack was consciously aware of was the feeling of warmth around him, his ears filled with Nathan’s voice and heartbeat. It felt right to be in that position and although reluctant, Jack finally let Nathan know he was awake. Nathan wasn’t sure how long they remained that way but he was startled and elated when he finally heard a groggy Jack speak. 

“Nathan?”

Pulling back, Nathan took in Jack’s haggard face. He was glad to see Jack lucid and while he knew he should summon Allison for a thorough check up, Nathan was determined to enjoy this moment of alone time. 

“How do you feel?” He asked, smiling as he guided Jack back to the pillow so he could lie comfortably. Jack returned his smile with his own tired grin. 

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.” Finally taking in his surroundings, Jack questioned. “Where am I?”

“G.D.’s infirmary. What do you remember about yesterday?”

Closing his eyes, Jack picked through his fragmented memories. “Splitting headache. Flashes of people. Allison, Henry, Jo… I know them. I’m starting to recall more small details.”

There was a momentary pause as Jack looked around the room, this time noting the machines. Returning his gaze to Nathan, Jack could easily see the drawn lines on his face. It was obvious Nathan hadn’t slept and Jack was touched by his concern. He couldn’t yet bring himself to tell Nathan that he remembered more of him and now he was curious about their relationship. But first things first, he still wanted to know exactly how he had wound up in the infirmary in the first place. 

“How did I get here?” Jack didn’t miss the guilty look that quickly swam across Nathan’s face before he expertly hid it. 

“To be honest,” Nathan began, “I saw you at dinner last night and I wanted to check on you.”

With a raised brow, Jack interrupted. “So you broke in?”

Frowning, Nathan defended himself. “I didn’t break in but when you didn’t answer, I let myself in.”

To Nathan’s surprise, a brilliant smile lit up Jack’s face. “You were worried about me?”

Jack was amused as the normally unflappable Nathan spluttered for a moment.

“What? Well... I …Damn it, Jack, yes, I was worried.”

Jack further surprised Nathan with his next statement. “I can remember a time when you wouldn’t have admitted that.”

Nathan leaned forward and touched Jack’s face. He was tempted to kiss him but Nathan instinctively knew it was too soon. Instead, he looked into Jack’s baby blues and responded from his heart.

“That was before I realized how precious you are to me.”

Jack blushed a fiery red but before he could respond, Allison came in to check on the men. Nathan moved away from the bed as Allison noted Jack’s flushed face but said nothing at the moment. Instead, she quickly and efficiently carried out a checkup. 

“I’d like to take you up for an MRI as soon as possible. Hopefully, we can get to the cause behind the headaches.”

After Jack agreed, Allison left to schedule the test, her final look at Nathan promising a LONG conversation was coming. Nathan gave her a brief smile and turned his attention back to Jack. He knew he was going to leave soon to cover with Mansfield and to let the others know how Jack was, as well. Returning to stand by the bed, Nathan lightly stroked the back of Jack’s hand.

“As much as I hate to leave, I have to go and handle business. I’ll be back in time for your MRI.”

Jack gave a chuckle. “Well, you know where I’ll be.” 

Moving towards the door, Nathan laughed as well. “Yes, I do and I believe we have conversation to finish.” Looking back at Jack, Nathan did nothing to hide the emotion he was feeling and once again Jack blushed. 

“See you around, Jack.”

ooOOoo

Nathan wasn’t surprised at all to find Allison waiting for him as he left the patient wing. She quickly moved in pace with him and began her barrage.

“Did I interrupt something?”

Smiling, Nathan shook his head. “Like what, Allison?”

With a smile of her own, Allison noted. “Well, the tension was quite high in the room and only the blind could miss the blush on Jack’s face.”  
Nathan shrugged. “We were just talking. Nothing more.”

 

As Mansfield came into view, Allison kept her reply to a simple ‘Hmm’ and put on her game face along with Nathan as they prepared to divert Mansfield.  
ooOOoo

The MRI went smoothly and Jack was allowed to return to his quarters in the guest wing by 4 p.m. with the understanding that he was not going to be alone at any time. He tried to argue against that but he was shot down by everyone, including Catlin. Defeated, Jack made his way to his bed, pointedly slamming the door to let them all know his displeasure. 

Jo volunteered for the first three hour shift and everyone else left. She rolled her eyes at the closed door and for the moment, let Jack stew. She could understand how he felt. Used to taking care of himself, it had to be hard to let others take over, especially virtual strangers. She knew he was frustrated but she knew Jack well enough to know he would eventually come around. 

An hour later, a knock at the door signaled the arrival of dinner. Jo set up the meal on the small table and knocked on the still closed bedroom door. Without waiting for a response, Jo announced dinner had arrived and turned her attention to the meal. 

Jack debated on ignoring the summons but the rumbling of his stomach won out. He hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before and lost it when he had gotten ill. Slipping into a pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt, Jack eased the door open and joined Jo at the table. 

Both of them were quiet at first, concentrating solely on the meal. As the silence finally got to Jack, he decided let Jo know he now could remember her. 

“So, how did you become head of GD security?”

Surprised at the sudden conversation, Jo described the offer and what she did on a daily basis. They both relaxed as the ease of their conversation returned to their old comfort level. The conversation moved on to life in Eureka and Jack shared his stories of the Secret Service. At a lull in the conversation, Jack asked without realizing what he was saying.

“G.I. Jo, do you miss being my deputy?”

Jo laughed and began to answer before she fully caught on to the nickname. “Not at all! I told you I could…”. Her eyes widened. “You called me G.I. Jo. You remember, you remember me!” 

Jack wasn’t prepared to catch a handful of Jo as she launched herself at Jack. His chair went back, threatening to fall over as Jo wrapped her arms around him. 

“All of this happened last night? I can’t believe it!”

Returning the hug, Jack shared Jo’s excitement. “It’s not 100 percent but I remember enough. It started yesterday while I was out on my run.”

Returning to her seat, Jo had more questions. “So that’s why the headaches happened?”

Jack nodded. “I don’t know how it’s all connected but yes.” Taking a glance at Jo, he noticed she was misty eyed. “Aw, crap! You aren’t going to get all weepy on me, are you?”

Quickly taking a sip of her drink, Jo denied it. “No! I’m just overwhelmed.” 

They continued talking and catching up and before they realized it, Jo’s time was up and Allison was at the door. As she left, she gave Jack another hug. Allison’s brow raised but she didn’t comment as she watched Jo practically float out of the door. Waving a bag, Allison went to the refrigerator. 

 

“I know you had dinner already but I did stop and get you some ice cream for later.” 

Jack took a seat on the couch with Allison joining him a moment later. They watched television for a moment before Allison broached her curiosity.  
“I take it by Jo’s reaction, you have been remembering more?” 

“Yes. I told her. It started yesterday and it’s not complete but things have been coming back to me, Allison.”

Allison smiled. “It’s nice to hear you call me by my name. When you arrived in town, it took everything I had to not hug you.”

“I don’t think I would have reacted well.” Jack said with a chuckle. 

Allison joined in. “Probably not. But since you are remembering things, I guess I owe you an explanation about why you are here in the first place.”

Jack listened as Allison told him about their concerns about his medical condition and how they felt he would be more protected in Eureka than in Washington. She apologized for the subterfuge but she insisted they would be completely open with everything that was going on now that his memories were returning. The MRI results wouldn’t be ready until tomorrow and they would sit down and discuss them at length. 

Jack appreciated the honesty from Allison. He had been worried from the moment he stepped on the plane but now he could feel that knot loosening some. Things were clearing up and He was appreciative to not be in Washington when the headache from last night happened. He knew that he would have been hospitalized and deemed crazy if he started talking about regaining his memories. The accident was in his file but it didn’t mention memory loss or any major brain injury.

They continued to talk, catching up on the missing years. Jack was surprised that Allison had been keeping in touch with Zoe. He knew that would be a conversation to have with Zoe later. She had kept all of this a secret and he was wondering why. The time they shared passed quickly and before either of them realized it, it was 9:30. Stifling a yawn, Jack stood up. 

“I know your time is almost up but would you mind if I ran and took a shower?”

Allison waved him on. “Go ahead. I need to call and check on Kevin.”

Stepping under the hot spray, Jack was pleased with the way the day had turned out. Two of his friends were back in his life and he was more comfortable about what was going in for the first time since arriving in Eureka. Whistling as he exited the shower, Jack toweled off and dressed in a similar outfit of lounge pants and a t-shirt. Walking out into the living room, he expected Allison but was stunned to see Nathan. 

“Oh…hi. Where’s Allison?”

“It’s time to change shifts. I came a little early so Allie could get home. She did tell me to tell you she said good night.” Nathan replied, giving Jack a good once over. His clothes clung to his slightly damp body and Nathan knew he was looking a Jack like a thirsty man looked at a glass of water.

Jack felt squirmy under Nathan’s intense gaze. His memories of their relationship were very prominent in his mind and he couldn’t help but blush as Nathan’s thoughts clearly projected on his face. 

“You really don’t have to stay. Leaving at 1 a.m. would be rough on you, having to work and everything.” Jack said as he took a seat on the couch.

Nathan gave a smile that sent a shiver down Jack’s spine. “I agree, that would be rough but since I’m staying the night, I don’t see the problem.”

Stammering, Jack tried to gather his thoughts. “Staying the night?”

Nathan’s smile turned predatory. “Staying the night.” He repeated Jack’s words. Taking a seat next to Jack, he leaned in close. “As I seem to recall, we have a conversation to finish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience. So much has been going on in real life but I am trying to keep this up in a timely manner. I am thankful for the support and the continued reading!


	13. Chapter 13

For a moment, Jack forgot to breathe. He knew he had to look insane in Nathan’s eyes with his flushed face and gaping mouth. Any questions Jack might have had flew away, leaving his mind blank.

Nathan took in Jack’s startled visage and refrained from smirking. Deciding to help the poor man out, Nathan started talking about the day they met. Nathan told Jack how he had been assigned to Eureka. He knew that his ex-wife would be there but he had expected and old man for the sheriff. He hadn’t been expecting to see a striking blond with cornflower blue eyes. Nathan was even more perturbed to discover the sheriff was buddies with his ex. It was instant hate.  
Eagerly Jack listened. He could feel some gaps in his memory fill in and soon he was able to recall some of the events himself. At a lull, Jack felt he needed to make a confession to Nathan.

“You know, I was so jealous of you.”

Surprised, Nathan raised a brow. “Really? Why?”

Jack rolled his eyes. “You just blew into town, all cocky. You were smart and handsome and Allison went running back to you.”

Nathan couldn’t help but laugh a big booming laugh that filled the room and sent a shiver of pleasure through Jack. 

“While I agree with you on smart and handsome, Allison didn’t come running back to me. I only pursued her because you were interested in her.”

Jack’s face was a mask of disbelief. “So you’re saying you had no interest in Allison?”

Once again, Nathan laughed. “Of course, I had interest. She and I were married once.” Before Jack could question or protest, Nathan clarified. “When I came to Eureka, I hated how relaxed Allison was with you. I could tell you had a crush on her and I hated that too.”

Jack held in a snort of laughter as he looked at Nathan’s pouty face. “You were jealous of me and Allison? We were only friends.”

“Please! If I hadn’t come to Eureka, you and Allison would have wound up dating and probably married.” Nathan scoffed.

Jack stood and began pacing. “So you went after Allison because you thought she and I would possibly, one day have a relationship?”

Nathan colored slightly and looked sheepish after hearing Jack’s take on the situation. “Well…yes.”

Surprised that Nathan truthfully responded, Jack stopped pacing for a moment. “Really?” Shaking his head, Jack began moving again, mumbling. “Always the alpha male.”

Nathan smiled. He didn’t know if Jack recognized it but ‘always the alpha male’ was one of the things Jack always said whenever Nathan became possessive or domineering. Usually it happened when someone flirted with Jack and manifested in sex, lots and lots of mind-numbing sex to remind Jack who he belonged to. Noticing the smile, Jack was curious what caused it.

“What did I say?”

Nathan shook his head. “Nothing major. I was just remembering.”

ooOOoo

They continued talking, Nathan answering all of Jack’s questions. Jack was more curious about Eureka but he didn’t broach any questions about their relationship. Nathan didn’t really expect him to. While he was certain Jack remembered some details about ‘them’, Nathan didn’t want to push too hard.  
Finally checking the time, both were shocked to see it was almost 2 a.m. 

“Allison will kill me if she finds out I didn’t put you to bed.”

Jack raised a brow. “Put me to bed?”

Defensively, Nathan raised his hands. “Her words, not mine.”

Jack smiled, stood and stretched. “You might as well go home. I’m sure I’ll be fine for a few hours sleeping.”

“You’re nothing getting rid of me that easy. The deal was either you stay in the infirmary or someone stays here with you.” Nathan replied standing and stretching as well.

“Goodness. Well, you might as well come in here and lay down. I think the bed is big enough for both of us.”

Nathan could only stare at Jack. Did Jack not realize what his offer immediately did to Nathan’s libido? Gamely, Nathan refused.

“No…I mean, that’s okay. I’ll just bunk out here on the couch.” 

Jack looked at the couch. “Be serious. You sleep on a couch that’s barely bigger than a loveseat? Stop being stubborn.”

Nathan went through his brain, trying and failing to come up with any reason to avoid being in bed with Jack. Finally giving up, Nathan grabbed his bag and went into the bathroom to change. After staring in the mirror and giving himself the talk about not ravishing Jack, Nathan emerged to find Jack already in the bed and eyes closed. Suddenly, Nathan was nervous. It had been over two years and how long had he dreamed of this moment? True, their sex life had been incredible but what Nathan had missed the most was Jack’s presence beside him. He wasn’t sure if he could go back to sleeping alone if he got in the bed beside Jack. Before he could move to the living room, Jack opened his eyes. Nathan felt his heart swell as he looked into those sleepy eyes and tousled hair. 

“You coming to bed?”

Nathan knew that he could refuse him nothing. “I’m coming to bed.”

ooOOoo

Allison quietly opened the door to Jack’s quarters. She knew she was early but she bought breakfast for guys and decided to surprise them. Expecting to see Nathan on the couch, she was shocked to find it empty. Setting the bags of food on the table, Allison took a peek into the bedroom. Nathan was lying on his back with Jack sprawled across his chest. Both men were sound asleep and looked extremely comfortable. Smiling, Allison eased out and grabbed the bags. Knowing both guys would be mortified if they knew she had seen them, Allison decided to go back to the door and knock instead.

Nathan woke first, the sound of knocking rousting him from the most comfortable night’s sleep he had enjoyed in years. He knew Jack would stroke out if he saw his current position across Nathan’s chest and while Nathan was enjoying it, he knew the continued knocking would wake Jack. Gently, he slid from under Jack and smiled when Jack grabbed Nathan’s pillow and was still. Allison feigned surprise at the still sleep tousled Nathan and waved the bags. 

“I bought food and coffee. “

Nathan scowled at the intrusion but the smell of the coffee began to wake up his sleeping brain cells.

“Great. Let me go and wake up Jack.”

Allison was finishing setting everything up by the time Nathan and jack emerged from the bedroom dressed. Jack greeted Allison and went straight for the coffee. He stopped sipping long enough for her to do a brief exam with the promise of a more through one later. Nathan sat lost on his own thoughts, wondering what the day would have in store for them.

ooOOoo

After breakfast and none the wiser about Allison’s early visit, the trio went back to the lab to see the results of Jack’s MRI. 

“According to this, there is no brain trauma or any evidence of injury.”

Jack scowled while Nathan looked thoughtful. After wondering what the scientist was thinking, Jack focused on Allison.

“So what do you think the problem is?” 

Before Allison could reply, Nathan answered. “Post-traumatic stress disorder.” 

“Seriously? I'm not a solider I haven't been in a war.” Jack was skeptical and quickly becoming wary. 

“The signs and symptoms are a match.” Allison explained. “The explosion, the near loss of life and aftermath of your long recovery are all considered traumatic experiences. Your amnesia, the headaches, your refusal to completely remember is all tied into this.” 

While Allison explained, Nathan noticed that Jack had gone pale and his breathing was speeding up. 

“Are you ok, Jack? “

Not trusting his voice, Jack simply nodded. His head was reeling from Allison’s diagnosis. PTSD had been mentioned early on in Jack's treatment but Jack kept most of his symptoms hidden and lied during psych evaluations so he could return to work. He knew that the FBI would have immediately put him on desk duty if they had known about the headaches, the memory loss and the nightmares. Now it seems as if it was coming back to bite him in the ass. 

Nathan frowned at Jack's obvious lie but chose not to push it for now.

“What can we do to fix it, Allie?” 

“Medication and I know you might hate this, Jack, but I think regression hypnosis therapy would be the best thing for you.”

Jack stared at Allison for a moment. “Have you lost your fucking mind? No way am I going to let some stranger go poking around in my head!” 

Trying to reason with him, Allison reached across the table and touched jack's arm. “It'll be the best thing, jack. We are trying...”

Jack snatched his arm away and stood abruptly, his chair clattering to the floor.

“What you are trying to do is confuse me. Did you lie to me last night?”

Nathan jumped up, thinking quickly to try and defuse the situation. 

“Come on, Jack, let's go. I'll try to reason with her. We'll go check in with Mansfield and deal with everything else later.”

Gently grabbing Jack's arm, Nathan steered him out the door. They walked through the complex, Nathan showing Jack different security measures. Jack struggled to focus, trying to push everything else to the back if his mind. The job still came first and an hour later, when they ran into Mansfield, Jack was totally engaged with Nathan and was able to answer the general's questions with ease. 

Nathan listened with half an ear. He knew he would have to convince Jack to give the hypnosis a try. Shifting the blame to Allison was Nathan’s attempt to keep Jack from having a full blown meltdown. His mental health was still fragile but Nathan thought Allison’s idea was valid. Realizing that the general was nearing the end of his grilling of Jack, Nathan began to refocus on their conversation when an idea popped into his head 

_“This just might work...”_  
ooOOoo

The remainder of the day was busy for Jack. Nathan called Allison and told her to keep back. Calling Henry, Nathan gave a quick rundown of the situation and asked the older gentleman to join them while they worked on the security protocols. He and Jack spent the day working with Henry and dealing with pop ups from Mansfield. With the exception of a quick lunch break, (i.e. sandwiches and coffee on Nathan's desk), the trio worked nonstop until 5 pm. Henry insisted they head to Cafe Diem for dinner and everyone readily agreed. 

It wasn't until they started eating did Henry bring up the hypnosis. Jack continued to disagree but Henry calmly pointed out the benefits. Nathan envied Henry's approach but remembered the two men HAD been very good friends and Nathan often found them having the most interesting discussions. Remaining quiet, Nathan was sure that Henry would be the one to convince Jack.

Henry laid his argument out carefully, giving Jack little wiggle room to discount him. When he finally realized Jack might relent, he played his last card, even shocking Nathan.

“What if I were the one to do the hypnosis, in a private place with only Nathan and I present?”

Henry and Nathan could almost see the wheels turning in Jack’s head as he tried to figure out a way to worm his way out of it. Finally realizing he was trapped, Jack conceded defeat.

“Fine. When and where?”

Thinking for a moment, Henry hit upon the perfect place. “First thing in the morning. You need to be well rested and the bunker would be the perfect place. It’s quiet, private and it has everything we’ll need.”

Nathan patted Jack’s hand. He could see the worry etched across the agent’s face and he knew they were both in for a long night.


	14. Chapter 14

Nathan spent the night again with Jack. This time, Jack woke up first and was mortified to find himself curled up against Nathan with the latter's arm possessively around Jack. It was immediately clear that Nathan was quite comfortable with their position because when Jack tried to move, the arm around him tightened. Jack was tempted to wake the sleeping scientist but the bed was comfortable and it wasn't even dawn yet. While he contemplated the wisdom or folly of waking Nathan, Jack dozed back off, still in Nathan's arms.

When Jack woke again, he was disappointed to find he was alone. He could hear Nathan in the other room talking to what sounded like Henry. Refusing to read more into his disappointment, Jack reluctantly rose and went to dress. Once he joined the two waiting men, Henry quickly took them to his truck and they went to the bunker. Along the way, Henry pointed out different sites in Eureka. He also explained how the bunker worked. Jack tried to wrap his brain around the fact the bunker had a self-aware artificial intelligence. It also creeped him out a little bit.

Nathan was quiet on the ride over to the bunker. He watched Jack reactions as Henry described Sarah Jack's face showed nothing but the wariness shone brightly in his eyes. Nathan could only hope that Sarah wouldn't scare Jack and cause him to retreat.

Jack was impressed with the bunker known as S.A.R.A.H. He was expecting a military/torture chamber and was stunned to see a warm home. There was nice furniture and it appeared to be comfortable. The house greeted them as they entered the home and Jack resisted the urge to leave at the sound of the faux human voice. Nathan thought about the possibility and he made sure he entered the bunker behind Jack. Glaring back at Nathan, Jack followed Henry to the couch. The men settled in and Henry began.

"Jack, I want to relax and focus solely on my voice. Think of a quiet place where you can relax and not be disturbed. Let everything else go and concentrate on that place."

Feeling rather doubtful about the whole experience, Jack relaxed and began to follow Henry's instructions. He wasn't aware of when he slid into a trance. Henry's calm, quiet voice guided Jack to the calm place he had chosen as his focus. When he could sense Jack was ready, Henry began to guide Jack back to the time before the accident.

"Jack, I want you to remember coming to Eureka. Tell me what you see."

In a monotone voice, Jack described the hidden entrance to the town, the car wreck, being kidnapped by Taggart and meeting Allison. At Henry's prompting, Jack recalled meeting Nathan for the first time,

"He was a jack ass. He made it clear he didn't like me even breathing at Allison"

Nathan smiled as Jack continued recalling details about his previous life in eureka. He knew when he first came to Eureka, he was an ass to everyone bit especially to Jack. As for breathing at Allison, it took Nathan a while to realize he wasn't jealous of Jack, he was jealous of Allison for being close to Jack. It was interesting to know how Jack had always viewed Eureka, something Nathan had never tried to do. He was always wrapped up in his work or wrapped up in Jack but not trying to go deeper than the surface. Adding it to the list of changes he knew he would have to make to convince Jack he was sincere; Nathan turned his attention back to the session.

Ooooo

After guiding Jack through his more pleasant Eureka memories, Henry was ready to push harder.

"Tell me about your relationship with Nathan."

Henry and Nathan could see Jack freeze at the question. Nathan's heart began to beat rapidly as he waited to see if Jack would fight the compulsion or answer the question. A pained look crossed his face but finally, he answered.

"It was wonderful and painful. "

Nathan cringed but leaned forward, listening intensely as Henry continued to prod. "What do you mean?"

A smile danced across Jack's face.

"He was infuriating but he was brilliant. I loved that about him. He doesn't want everyone to know he has a wicked sense of humor." Jack chuckled. "Always the Alpha male. He had a jealous streak a mile wide. I never knew what set it off but I'd find out about it...later." Henry smiled as Jack and Nathan blushed furiously.

"You loved him?" Henry asked while Nathan held his breath.

"I did." Jack paused. " I do but he became obsessed."

"The artifact?" Henry asked.

Jack took a deep breath. "Yes. It was destroying us. It destroyed me."

Both men were stunned by Jack's assessment. Henry decided it was time to move on to Jack's memories of the accident.

"Jack, tell me what you remember about the accident."

Jack shivered. "No. I don't want to talk about it."

Henry frowned and decided to backtrack. "Can you tell me about the days leading up to the accident?"

Taking a deep breath, Jack haltingly began to talk.

"I tried to convince Nathan that the project was a bad idea. He shot me down at every turn. We fought almost constantly about it. He thought I wanted to undermine him but that's not true."

There was a pause and both men could see Jack struggle to contain himself.

"This is all my fault. I should have told him the truth."

Nathan frowned and almost spoke out but Henry's hand stopped him. "If you say something, you might break his concentration." Focusing back on Jack, Henry questioned. "What should you have told him, Jack?"

"What Carlson told me, before his disappeared into the artifact. I didn't say anything because I was sure he was crazy. I was seriously injured and when he healed me, I was still in shock. It didn't register at the time what he said was the truth."

Henry pushed. "What did he tell you?"

"He told me the artifact had a mind of its own. It latched on human intelligence and used it as a power source and a knowledge base. He didn't know what the ultimate goal was but he had just come to understand that the artifact's power was ruthless. "

"How?"

Jack continued. "It could bestow great gifts but at a price. Carlson said it wanted your soul. The artifact's power would slowly consume you with its own energy."

Henry was stunned. His mind raced with the implications. Henry knew Nathan was equally stunned and a long conversation was coming.

Nathan was in a state of shock. If he had known this information, he would have never touched the artifact. Even seeing Carlson's notes didn't imply this level of engagement. Nathan began to wonder if Carlson had a secret file hidden with the true nature of his work.

Checking the time, Henry knew he needed to stop with Jack for a while. "Jack, a few more questions then we'll take a break. Why did you go to the lab that day?"

Jack closed his eyes. Nathan was stunned to see tears began to leak from beneath the closed lids and his heart was crushed by Jack's words. "It was my job to protect the citizens of Eureka, even if they didn't want my protection."

Henry felt his throat tighten. "Even at the risk of your life?"

Jack's eyes popped open. For the first time during the session, he looked at Nathan. "My life for his."


	15. Chapter 15

Henry ended the session, giving Jack the suggestion to not remember their conversation for the moment and that he was also incredibly tired. Jack snapped back quickly and after expressing his tiredness, Henry led him upstairs to what used to be his bedroom. When he returned downstairs, Henry wasn't surprised to see the worry etched in Nathan's face, sure it was mirrored in his own.

“Do you think the artifact did anything to Jack? I've never seen anyone refuse a hypnotic suggestion.” Nathan asked before Henry could sit down.

Easing on the couch, Henry sighed. “It's possible. Jack got a huge dose of the artifact's power. Maybe the only reason he wasn't killed was because Kim absorbed some of the power.”

A surge of guilt went through Nathan. Even though Henry had forgiven him, Nathan still carried the weight of Kim’s death with him. There was a tense pause but Nathan broke the silence.

“Maybe the artifact recognized jack because Carlson healed him?” 

Nathan could tell Henry hadn't considered that idea. 

“But we scoured Carlson's files. We couldn't have missed that.” 

Standing, Nathan began to pace. “Carlson had to have some files buried on a hard drive somewhere.”

Henry agreed. “We didn't look for hidden files because Carlson had so much accessible data.” 

Henry stood and moved to the door. As Sarah swung it open, he told Nathan his plans.

“I have his hard drives stored in a vault. I'll get those and bring them back here. We can use Sarah to help us go through and see what we might have missed. I'll also touch bases with Mansfield to keep him placated.” 

Nathan nodded. “I'll keep an eye on jack. If anything changes with him, I'll call you.”

Henry left and Nathan made a quick phone call to Allison. He only gave her to basic info: the hypnosis had gone well so far, Henry was checking on a lead and jack was resting. He knew she would be less than pleased with the tidbit of information but until they knew for sure what was going on, it was all he was willing to share. Ending his call, Nathan longed for a stiff drink. Instead, he settled for juice and went upstairs to check on Jack. 

Entering Jack's former bedroom and seeing him sprawled across the bed, bought up a well of emotions Nathan thought he had long buried. Jack had stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt. It reminded Nathan of many nights, coming in after working late in the lab and seeing Jack sleeping, stretched out all over the bed. Climbing in that tangle of limbs never failed to calm him after a stressful day. Without thinking, Nathan striped down to the same and slid in the bed behind jack. To his surprise, the blond snuggled up against him and with a sigh, dropped back off. After giving Sarah instructions to let him know when Henry returned, Nathan let his mind return to Jack's session. 

_‘My life for his.’_

He couldn't believe Jack felt that strongly. _“How could Jack not know?”_ Nathan mused, _"I would have stepped in front of him and protected him? I would have given anything to not see him die in my arms"_

The information about the artifact was shocking. The idea that it could embed itself into a person's consciousness was revolutionary. That would explain many of the changes that occurred in Carlson before he disappeared. The artifact expanded onto unutilized portions of the brain and opened the mind up to the endless possibilities. 

Carlson's mind had unlocked true physic abilities, like his ability to heal. It was mind-blowing to think of what other abilities Carlson may have used. All of that power had to be overwhelming. Nathan had always wondered why Carlson chose to disappear into the artifact, but thinking about the possible things that may have been happening to him, Nathan could understand. 

With Carlson 'returning' the power back to the artifact, was it possible it was seeking a new host? The thought suddenly crossed Nathan's mind.

_‘It would make sense.’_ He mused, thinking about the changes he had begun to go through. The anger, the irritability, the obsession. The more everyone tried to convince him that the artifact was dangerous, the more convinced he was that they were wrong. 

_‘The same as Carlson.’_ Nathan realized, horrified at the thought of losing control of himself . Another thought then entered his mind.

_‘Did the artifact see Jack as a threat’?_

It was plausible. Jack had intimate contact with the artifact through Carlson. If the artifact were bonding with Nathan, it would come to see Jack as a threat. The all too familiar agony of grief poured through his soul as his fingers wound through Jack's short blond hair. Nathan finally had to admit to himself that knowing Jack was alive but hidden from him had been better than seeing Jack dead and gone forever. The idea that the artifact had actually attempted to separate them nauseated Nathan. Feeding into Nathan's emotions, it tried drive a wedge between them. When that failed and Jack showed up at the test, it had to see him as a serious threat and wanted to eliminate him. Nathan hoped he and Henry could find something on the old hard drives. He wanted understand this alien object that tried to take away his man.

ooOOoo

Once again, Jack woke up first. This time he and Nathan were lying face to face. Jack to advantage of the opportunity to really study the scientist. The sides of Nathan’s hair was cut short and clung closely to his head but the top was slightly longer. Even at such a short length, Jack could still see the beginnings of the curls that threatened to form on the ends of his hair. The same curl was also in his lashes. They were almost delicate as they rested against his upper cheeks. In sleep, Nathan’s face was relaxed and for a moment, it was easy to think of him as innocent. Jack snorted at the though. He knew Nathan Stark was anything but innocent. Passionate was a better word to use. Jack knew Nathan could be intensely passionate and fiercely protective about things he cared about or believed in. Even with everything that was going on right now, Jack could still see how Nathan was being protective of him. 

Dark, silky hair covered the angled tanned jaw line and a forgotten memory came into his mind. Suddenly, he could recall that feel of Nathan’s beard on the more sensitive areas of his body. As the blush burned his face, Jack could feel the stirrings of lush in his groin. Now moving his focus on the scientist’s lips, Jack was overcome with the urge to kiss them. While he mentally fought with himself, Jack didn’t realize that Nathan’s eyes had popped open and he was watching Jack curiously. 

It was obvious Jack was engaged in some type of battle in his mind. Nathan decided after a moment to snap him back to this reality. 

“Earth to Jack. You want to share what’s on your mind?” Stifling a laugh at Jack’s surprised expression, Nathan watched as Jack blushed darker. 

Jack was speechless; sure that he would be a stuttering fool. Surprising the both of them, Jack leaned over and planted a kiss on Nathan’s tempting lips. It was soft and tentative, as if he were afraid that Nathan would push him away. It ended too quickly for Nathan’s liking and as they parted, he could see the apprehension in Jack’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Jack apologized. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” Mortified, Jack moved to get out of bed. Nathan looped his arm around his waist, stopping him from leaving the bed. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong at all.” Nathan replied and he proved it by pulling Jack closer and kissing Jack again. Unlike Jack’s kiss, Nathan’s was passionate and they both became lost as the memory of their shared past returned to both of them. Breathless, they finally parted. Resting forehead to forehead, Jack was overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through him. His mind was flooding with memories of times like these. Lying there with Nathan's arms and warm body around him, Jack was hit with a startling realization. 

_‘I still love him. In spite of everything that has happened, my heart still knows him.’_

ooOOoo

The pair remained in bed, sharing more kisses but going no further until S.A.R.A.H. announced Henry was in route. After dressing, they retreated downstairs to find a quick snack. Nathan quickly prepared turkey sandwiches for all three of them, finishing up as Henry walked in. He carried two huge black cases. Spying the food, he joined the men eating and relayed what was going on at GD. 

“Allison is not happy with you right now.” He warned Nathan. “Mansfield was fine with the report I gave him but he does want to meet with you later this evening for a full briefing.” Henry then gestured to the two cases. 

“Those are the hard drives from Carlson’s lab. When I finish, I’ll hook them up to S.A.R.A.H. system and give her the parameters for our search. In the meantime,” Henry looked at Jack. “If you’re ready, we can try another session.”

Jack sighed but agreed. He hadn’t had a headache all day and while enjoying his afternoon “rest”, he was eager to remember more than the bits and pieces of the two years missing from his memory. Looking back at Nathan, Jack realized he was ready to see if it was time to move forward or move on.


	16. Chapter 16

Jack quickly went back under the hypnotic spell. Henry continued with basic questions about Zoe and his life in Washington. Once he was sure Jack was deeply under, Henry began asking questions about Jack's interactions with the artifact. He and Nathan could see Jack's hesitation but this time he responded.

"Carlson said that the artifact would change the world. It was the source of unbridled power."

Henry frowned. "When did he tell you this?"

It took a moment but Jack responded. "While he was healing me. He told me so much like he knew that was the last thing he was going to do." Pausing for a moment, Jack frowned. "It was like a confession."

"Did he share anything else?" Henry asked.

"He said he was sorry." Jack replied.

ooOOoo

After a few minutes of thinking, Henry decided to turn the questions back to Jack's time in Eureka. 

"Let's talk more about your time in Eureka. Did you like it?"

Jack smiled bring a matching smile to Nathan's face. "I love Eureka. It was the place that bought me closer to my daughter. I loved the job and the people too."

Henry had to smile too. He too had enjoyed Jack being the sheriff of Eureka and he knew that the townspeople loved him as well. 

"Jack, would you come back to Eureka?"

Jack's smile faded and Nathan's heart began to pound. "I don't know. Would things be the same?"

Frowning, Henry asked. "What do you mean?"

With Jack hanging his head, both Henry and Nathan thought he was going to refuse to answer again. 

"Before...before the accident, things were getting toxic. All of my relationships were falling apart."

Henry hurried to reassure Jack, throwing a glare at Nathan. "The artifact stopped working after the...accident. I think you'd find things can be much better."

Jack was quiet. Henry decided to continue. "Jack, do you want to remember everything?"

Nathan held his breath waiting for Jack's answer. "It'll hurt too much to remember." He finally said.

"But it's hurting you know because you refuse to remember." Henry reminded him.

Jack shook his head. "I don't know if I want to go through that pain again."

Before Henry could stop him, Nathan interrupted. "What if I could promise you that things would be different?"

For the first time since going under, Jack acknowledged Nathan's presence. "Could you truly promise that?"

Nathan nodded. "I would do my best, Jack, to not be the one to hurt you again."

Again, Jack went quiet, the other two men not daring to intrude on Jack's thought processes.

"Ok, Henry. I think it's time."

Henry looked grim for a moment, causing a spike of worry in Nathan. "Before I begin, Jack, I just want you to know you will become ill after this. When the block is dropped, it's going to be a massive overload. I'm here and Nathan is here. We'll take care of you."

Jack frowned for a moment. He wasn't looking forward to wheat he knew would be intense pain. 

"Let's get it over with."

Henry turned to Nathan. "Call Allison." he ordered. "Tell her to get here now with a medic kit." Returning his attention back to Jack, Henry began his suggestion.

"Jack, when I bring you back, you will remember it all. Everything, good and bad. You remember your time in Eureka and whatever you can up until the accident." Pausing, Henry took a deep breath. 

"Are you sure you want this?"

Jack nodded. "I'm ready. I can't keep running from the past."

Henry and Nathan exchanged glances and Henry started. "Jack, I will count backwards from 5. At one, you will be back in the present, you will remember both of our sessions, and you will remember what you had forgotten. Five, four, three, two." Henry hesitated, again looking at Nathan. With a barely perceptible nod, Nathan prodded Henry on as he dialed Allison's number. 

"One."

Jack looked around the room, feeling as if a veil had been lifted from his mind. For a moment, he felt fine and as he opened his mouth to ask Henry did everything work, a sharp pain shot through his head. A groan slipped through his lips as the second pain struck and caused him to clutch his head. With his eyes closed, he heard Henry in front of him, asking how he felt. He opened his mouth to answer but only a groan came out as another pulse of pain went through his brain. 

Henry and Nathan grabbed either side of Jack to help him stand. Leading him up stairs, the two men had to catch Jack as the pains began coming in waves, causing his knees buckle. By the time they got him upstairs and in the bed, Jack's nose had begun to bleed profusely. Henry hurried to get clean towels while Nathan stripped Jack's bloody shirt from his body. 

Jack couldn't get his eyes to focus. The pain overtook any thought processes. He could see Nathan’s worried face above him but it hurt too much to try to alleviate his worries. Jack felt like he was drowning in pain and he was certain tears were rolling down his face. He knew he agreed to this but in the full grip of the pain, Jack was ready to just die. 

Nathan couldn't stand to see Jack in so much pain. He felt helpless, waiting for Allison to arrive. Taking the towels from Henry, He helped staunch the flow of blood from Jack's nose but there was nothing he could do to help his pain. After helping with a clean shirt, Nathan sat on the bed, putting Jack's head in his lap and stroked his head, gently, trying to offer comfort. Wiping the tears from Jack's face, Nathan felt his heart break.

"Jack, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know I promised you no pain but this will soon be over."

"Make it stop, Nathan, please! This is killing me!" Jack begged.

"Allison should be here any second now. It'll be over soon."

"Let me die. I can't do this." Jack responded. 

Nathan leaned over him, wrapping his arms around him. "You aren't going to die on me, Jack. Not again." He whispered. Hearing Henry and Allison coming up the stairs, he continued to hold on the Jack. "She's here and you'll be fine."

Lost again to the pain, Jack only moaned. Allison had a loaded pressure syringe in her hand and she immediately pressed it against Jack's neck. They all could see the relief in Jack's eyes as he slipped into unconsciousness. Nathan gently laid Jack down on the bed and turned to face Allison. He could see the sorrow and worry on her face but she waited until they went downstairs before she began to ask questions. 

Between the Henry and Nathan, Allison was able to get the full story behind what had taken place in the bunker. S.A.R.A.H. interrupted to let them know she had completed the scan of the hard drives and she printed out everything of interest. Questions on hold for the moment, the three of them divided the paper work up and began to read. What they soon found blew their minds. 

"If I had known all of this, no one would have touched that artifact!” Nathan was livid. The information Carlson had hidden damaged numerous lives. Nathan cringed as he read changes the missing scientist documented. Nathan could see the same changes that had begun to happen to him, documented by Carlson.

_The mood swings are first. Fine one minute, anger the next. I feel like I can't control it. Maybe if I stay in my lab I can fight this overwhelming urge to kill someone..._

_Today, I discovered I could move faster! It was amazing! My cells feel infused with energy. I can barely sit still..._

_I healed one of the experiential animals! It was accidental. I was bandaging a cut and as I touched it, I could feel this unexplained force pouring through my fingers. I was amazed as I watched the wound close. I wonder how deeply this force can extend. Could it be used on humans?_

_I am afraid. I can feel it taking over me. It calls me, day and night. I'm going crazy but I don’t know how to make it stop..._

Nathan felt cold. Carlson's personal notes were filled with a decent into madness.

_'This could have been me.'_ Nathan thought with a cold finality. _'Jack was seeing all of this and tried to stop it'_

Nathan could only shake his head. _'Self sacrificing idiot._ We are really going have to work on that when he returns to Eureka'

Ooooo

After an hour passed, Allison went up to check on Jack. He was still but felt as if he were running a fever. Returning downstairs, she relayed her concerns. 

"Jack is running a fever. I think it might be a normal part of what's going on with his body but I don’t feel comfortable moving him. At least not tonight."

“We can do the same as last night. Take shifts staying with him.". Nathan replied as he checked the time. "I have to meet with Mansfield. I'll let Jo know and we'll get everything settled."

Henry agreed to stay while Allison and Nathan returned to GD. He wanted to continue digging in the extracted files. He had some questions of his own that needed answering.

OoOooo

Nathan finally returned to the bunker close to 9 pm. Allison was stretched out on the couch, watching a movie. Smiling when she saw Nathan enter, she sat up and patted the couch beside out her. 

"S.A.R.A.H. is keeping a plate warm for you.” she responded to Nathan's frown. "I know you haven't eaten much." 

Ignoring the barb, Nathan inquired about Jack. Allison grinned and continued her report. 

"He woke up long enough for Jo to feed him some soup. He doesn’t feel feverish any longer but he is still dealing with what I'd classify as a severe migraine. I left another dose of the medicine if he needs it but give it only if he asks for it. He's been sleep a couple of hours, so you might be able to roust him for a shower." Standing, Allison stretched and reached for her things. "Henry left some interesting notes for you and he says you two will talk tomorrow. I'm going to crash but if you need me call me. "

Nathan stood and gave Allison a hug. "Thanks for everything.” He mumbled into her hair. 

Returning the hug, she gave Nathan a gentle squeeze. "I know you don't like to share but we love him too."

Pulling back, Nathan smiled. "I know Allie. Now go home and get some rest." 

Nathan waited until he had eaten before he looked at Henry’s notes. There was so much to digest and, frankly, Nathan was too weary to care. Calling out to S.A.R.A.H. to shut everything down, Nathan went up to check on Jack. 

Jack lay sprawled usual across the bed. Nathan could see a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead and he was still dressed in his clothes from earlier. Wrinkling his nose in disgust, Nathan woke Jack up enough to begin to pull off his shirt. To his surprise, Jack batted his hands away. 

"I can do it."

Nathan moved back to lean against the wall. “How do you feel?"

Jack shrugged, sitting up slowly “Less like an explosion, more like a jack hammer. It's tolerable for the moment."

"Feel up to a shower?"

"Goodness, yes!" Jack grimaced as he took a whiff of himself.

Nathan refrained from laughing as he pushed off the wall and went into the bathroom. After having S.A.R.A.H. to set a lukewarm temperature, he heard Jack come in behind him. Nathan pointedly ignored Jack’s nudity as he slid under the shower's spray.

"Turn around." Nathan softly ordered. Jack obeyed, allowing Nathan access to his back. He could have sighed in relief as he was gently scrubbed and rinsed. Closing his eyes, Jack enjoyed the tender care he was receiving. He gave himself over to Nathan's ministrations, drifting on the edge of consciousness until the water stopped, causing him to open his eyes. Nathan stood there, hold a drying towel.

"Dry off while I change the bed."

Giving Jack the cloth, Nathan found the clean sheets in their usual spot and stripped the bed. By the time, Nathan finished, jack was out the bathroom and was wearing a pair of boxers. It took no coxing for Jack to slide back between the clean sheets and with a sigh, he gratefully closed his eyes. Nathan quietly moved around the room, gathering dirty clothes and towels. Placing then in the laundry chute, Nathan turned off the lights and moved towards the door.

"Nathan?"

Nathan stopped. “Yes, jack?"

"Where are you going?"

Surprised, Nathan replied. "I was going to let you rest. I'll sleep in Zoë’s... I was going to sleep in the spare room."

"What if I asked you to stay with me?" Jack quietly asked.

"Then I would stay." Nathan replied.

Jack was so quiet, Nathan began to assume he had fallen asleep, but then his voice came out of the darkness.

"Stay with me. At least for tonight." 

It only took a moment for Nathan to strip down and slid into bed. Jack sighed and snuggled against Nathan, quickly falling back asleep. Nathan lay there awake in the dark. He knew he had to make things right with Jack and convince him Eureka was where he needed to be. Smirking in the darkness, it was a battle he was looking forward to winning.


	17. Chapter 17

Henry and Nathan were up with the sun, working through the tons of notes left behind by Carlson.

"According to these, Carlson began having symptoms after the artifact surged through his lab. Why Carlson and not Jack?" Henry questioned 

"I think Carlson was the closest to the artifact at the time. I'm starting to think part of the artifact could have attached itself to Jack and remains hidden somewhere in him." Nathan wondered aloud. 

A thoughtful look crossed Henry's face. "The only way to test that is submitting Jack to a scan." 

"I don't think he'd go for it. Besides, his days are almost up here. Unless we can figure out a way to convince him to stay, Jack will be heading back to Washington." Nathan replied.

ooOOoo

Waking up to a quiet room, Jack was only moderately surprised to see it was mid-afternoon. His head no longer hurt even though his body felt like it had been through the ringer.

"S.A.R.A.H.?"

"Yes, Sheriff Carter?"

Jack couldn't help but laugh. "I haven't been Sheriff for a while now. Jack is fine. Where is everyone?"

"Dr. Stark went to Global. Henry is currently downstairs." S.A.R.A.H paused. "It's good to have you back in Eureka, Jack."

"Uh, thanks." Jack replied.

Quickly dressing in sweats, a tee and gym shoes, Jack hurried down the now familiar stairs. Ravenous, Jack was happy to find lunch keeping warm in the stove. He grabbed the plate and wasted little time devouring the food. Sated, he found Henry sitting in the office working through piles of paper.

"Hi."

Henry looked up and smiled broadly. "Jack! It's good to see you up and about. How do you feel? Do you want me to call Allison or Nathan?"

Jack waved everything off and returned Henry's smile. "I'm good. Actually, I feel incredible. It's been so long since I've been pain free, I'm not sure I really know how to handle it."

Henry chuckled. "I can imagine. Did you get a chance to eat?"

Taking a seat across the desk from Henry, Jack replied. "I did." Glancing at the papers, Jack curiously asked. "What are you working on?"

"We found that Carlson had hidden files about the artifact. We've been digging to see what possible effects it could have had that we were unaware of." Henry replied as he began writing new notes.

Jack frowned. "After all this time, you guys are still obsessing over the artifact."

Henry looked up from his papers. He wasn't surprised to see disapproval on Jack's face. "It not that, Jack. We think there may have been some residual impact in you with your contact with the artifact. We just want to make sure that we haven't missed anything."

Standing, Jack's disapproval look deepened into a scowl. "I'll leave you to your work.” the last word being said with a bitterness that surprised Henry. Picking up his phone, he sent a hurried text to Nathan and Allison. 

_"Get here now!"_

ooOOoo

"Are you serious?" Nathan asked, brushing his hands over his dark hair. 

Allison agreed with Henry's assessment. "It makes sense. Jack's last real memory of Eureka is your fighting over the artifact. The first thing he finds out when he has regained all of his memories is you are still working on the artifact. How should he feel?"

Nathan sighed. "I know, I know. How can we make him understand what we are trying to do?"

Henry replied. "You mean as much as he understood before the explosion?"

The trio couldn't think of anything to say. Jack and Nathan's relationship had been on the verge of destruction because of the artifact and Nathan knew, after that last fight, it probably would have been over. 

"I'll go talk to him." Nathan decided. Henry and Allison exchanged looks then both nodded. Allison added a bit of advice.

"Try not to take it personally, Nathan. He still has a gap in his memories caused by the accident that can never be filled. His memories of Eureka are bound to be painful for both of you."

Walking out of the office, Nathan stopped in the doorway and turned sorrow filled eyes to his friends. "I haven't forgotten. I'll never forget."

ooOOoo

Jack was upstairs pacing the floor of his bedroom. He had sent a text to Catlin to see if she could help spring him from the group but she was at a loss. With everything coming back to him, Jack had a hard time understanding why they were still working with something so dangerous. 

_'Wasn't one death and a near death enough for them?'_

He had sworn he'd never understand scientists and time hadn't changed his thoughts about them at all. 

_'Maybe I'm just too close to the situation.'_

He could understand what Henry was talking about but rationally, Jack still felt betrayed by the 'science over everything' attitude that hadn't seemed to fade. The more he thought about it, the more frustrated Jack became. Lost in his thoughts, Nathan's appearance at the door startled him.

"I came to talk."

Jack stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the bed. "Talk."

Suddenly nervous, Nathan entered the room and closed the door behind him. "Henry told me you had questions."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "I didn't have questions. I only had one. How could you, after everything that happened, still want to work with something that dangerous?"

Nathan sat beside him. "You don't understand. We aren't working with the actual artifact. We are going through Carlson's notes to see if it's possible that the artifact may have had an effect on you... and on me."

There was a tense pause. "What effects?"

Jack listened as Nathan explained what they had already discovered about the artifact’s power. Nothing was said for a few moments as Jack collected his thoughts.

"So you are thinking a piece of the artifact is in me?"

Nathan nodded. "Dormant but yes"

"How can you get it out of me?" Jack asked.

Nathan hesitated. He knew Jack wasn’t going to like this answer.

"I don’t think we can."

Jack stood up. "So you're saying I have a piece of some space alien thingy inside of me that may or may not wake up and do what it wants to my mind."

Nathan cringed at Jack’s description but agreed. "That about sums it up."

Jack moved to the door. "I should have never come back here." He stated, walking out of the room, Nathan hot on his heels.

"Jack, come back!”

In the living room, Jack stopped. "Look, I need time to think about all of this and I can't do that around you."

Nathan could say nothing as Jack called out to S.A.R.A.H. to open the door and made no move to stop him when Jack walked out. 

ooOOoo

Grateful for his physical training, the run to town was enough to release some of the tension that filled him. Peeking into Café Diem, Jack saw Catlin and another agent, Sidney, eating. Joining them and ordering an iced tea, he made small talk, ignoring Catlin’s pointed looks for the moment. He knew once they were in private, she would have questions about the text he had sent her. Sighing, Jack knew he couldn’t dodge the issue with her. He had trusted her with his life on several occasions and he knew now it was time to trust her with his secrets.

To her credit, Catlin waited until they were back at the guest quarters before she demanded an explanation. Jack told her everything with the exception of his relationship with Nathan. Catlin, however, was bright enough to put the pieces together and figure it out for herself. 

“What are you going to do?” She asked.

Jack could only shake his head. “I don’t know. I need to get away from here to think clearly. There is too much pressure. Everyone is expecting me to come running back and just embrace things. Too much time has passed. We all have changed. I don’t know if this is me anymore.”

“I can understand that.” Catlin agreed. “But what are you going to do about Nathan?”

Eyes widening, Jack couldn’t stop the blush that colored his face. “What do you mean?”

Catlin had to laugh. “Be serious, Jack! Anyone with half a brain can see that he is crazy about you. The way he has been hovering since we’ve been here. All the things he has done to protect you. He even came to D.C. and stayed until you got better. Did working in the Service teach you nothing about deductive reasoning?”

Smirking, Jack joined in the laughter. “Okay, okay. You’re right. Everything with us is complicated.” His laughter died as his face became serious. “I still feel…something between us but with that artifact still in the picture, I just can’t take the chance of being pushed to the side again.”

Catlin wrapped her arm around Jack. “I don’t think you should give up on him. Maybe he has changed. You just need to give him a chance to prove it to you. I think you are right, though. Being here is too much, too soon. Work with Sid and me for the next few days and get some breathing room. You need time to adjust to everything and it does seem like they are pushing you.”

Jack thought about it. He did need breathing space and while he wanted to be on the other side of the country for that, working with Cat and Sid would have to do for the moment. 

“Deal, Cat. Just bring me up to speed on what you and Sid have been working on and then we’ll go find him.”

ooOOoo

Nathan had the hard task of explaining to Allison, Jo and Henry what happened with Jack. The women were crushed and Henry was grim. None of them knew what would happen when Jack regained his memories but the idea that Jack might really leave Eureka and never return was devastating.

“We can’t push him. If we do, it’ll guarantee he’ll leave and cut off all contact.” Jo lamented. 

Nathan could only sigh. Jo was right. Anything they did right now would be perceived as a threat in Jack’s mind and he would run.

“We do as he asked. We stay back and give him room to think. Whatever decision he makes, has to be his and his alone."


	18. Chapter 18

The next few days were torture for everyone involved. Jack stayed as far as he reasonable could from everyone from Eureka. It amused Catlin to see the normally unflappable agent flustered like a schoolboy. It was obvious to her that Jack had it bad for Nathan and he was only fooling himself if he thought his feelings had changed. She could understand the reasons why he was upset but in her opinion, it was time for Jack to come to terms with what happened and let it go.

Nathan was true to his word and stayed away from Jack, even though it was killing him inside. Fargo caught the brunt of Nathan's frustration, forcing Allison to intervene when Fargo flat out refused to return to Nathan's office. Catching him in the hall, she laid into Nathan. 

"This is ridiculous! You can't keep terrorizing Fargo every time you don't get your way!"

Nathan tried to pin her with a glare but she ignored it.

"We all agreed to Jack's terms. It's hard for all of us." 

Allison held in a grin at Nathan's failed attempt to not to pout.

"No one said I had to like it."

Her face softened. "None of us like it. None of us want to lose Jack for a second time."

Any comment that Nathan would have made was halted by the appearance of Catlin. Both were surprised to see the normally calm looking agent appearing flustered. 

"Can I talk to both of you?"

Nathan immediately questioned. "Is something wrong with jack?" 

Shaking her head, Catlin quickly reassured them. "No nothing like that. It's about this rift between you."

"We are simply following Jack's wishes." Allison defensively responded.

Catlin pursed her lips. "Well be that as it may, he is miserable and frankly, so am I. Do you know how hard it is watching your friend moon around like a love sick puppy?"

Allison cut a look at the now scowling Nathan. "I think I understand perfectly."

Catlin was unable to contain her smile but it quickly disappeared under Nathan's glare. Undeterred, she continued. "You two need to work this out. You both are miserable. There has got to be a compromise out there somewhere."

Nathan huffed and in a rare moment of vulnerability, he spilled, his voice soft and dejected. "I don't know what he wants."

Both women practically melted at the unexpected show of emotion. Allison was the first to respond.

"He wants to know that you care. He wants to know he's the most important thing in your life. He wants to know that he comes first and not your work." 

Sighing, Allison met Nathan's eyes, not bothering to conceal the emotions swimming in them. 

"All he really wants is you."

Allison turned and walked away with a confused Catlin on her heels, leaving Nathan alone to contemplate his next move. Once they were out of his hearing range, Catlin turned to Allison.

"If you don't mind me asking, Dr. Blake, how did you know exactly what Jack wanted?" 

She was stunned to see the depth of sadness in the doctor's eyes.

"Because, Agent Lowe, there was a time I wanted the same things from Nathan."

ooOOoo

The end of the day couldn't have come at a better time for Jack. Pretending not to see Nathan pretending to not see him had left him an emotional wreak. He hoped he was hiding it well from everyone except maybe Catlin. Jack was more than ready to put Eureka behind him and go back to his dull but emotionless life. 

_"Wait, that sounds pathetic."_ Jack thought as he scrubbed thoroughly in the shower. He had to admit, some aspects of regaining his memory was good. He had enjoyed talking to some of the residents of the town, although he sidestepped the questions of when he was returning to Eureka. He knew at some point, some serious therapy was going to come into play. Having his memories back was quickly becoming a double-edged sword. He was happy to have most of the gaps filled in but it was the information that was painful. He couldn't believe things had gotten so bad between him and Nathan. If the explosion hadn't happened, would he and Nathan even be a couple anymore? Would he even still be in Eureka?

_"I'd say no on both accounts."_ Jack replied to himself, drying off. The idea of being here in Eureka after a particularly ugly break up would have been devastating. He couldn't have faked being happy or pretended that he wouldn't have been bitter having to deal with Nathan on a daily basis. Deep in heart, Jack knew the moment Zoe graduated, he would have left Eureka as well. Maybe the explosion was Eureka's twisted way of attempting to give them both a clean slate. 

_"Na. That's as crazy as a screwed time-line!"_ Jack had to laugh at himself. After dressing, he debated on meeting up the other agents for drinks. It would be nice to get out of the guest room but he wasn't sure if he was up to social niceties. Before Jack could make a decision, Catlin appeared at the door.

"Come on, Jack. I refuse to let you sit in here brooding. Grab a jacket, we’re getting out of here!”

Jack flushed. "I wasn't...brooding! Who are you? Somebody's grandma?"

A wicked smile danced across her face. "More like your fairy godmother" and grabbing Jack's hand, Catlin pulled him out of the door. As they walked towards town, Catlin felt a moment of guilt. Unbeknownst to Allison, Catlin had gone back to Nathan.

ooOOoo 

_"If I can get him here, Dr. Stark, will you talk?"_

_"Of course." Nathan looked at her quizzically "Why are you doing this?"_

_Looking thoughtful, Catlin replied. "He’s my friend and I want him happy. I think you can make him happy."_

Now as she led Jack to the gazebo in the town park, she could only hope Jack wouldn't be too angry with her.

Ooooo

"Cat, what are you up to? Why are we going to the park?" 

Catlin thought about ignoring Jack’s question but realized that would be cruel.

"I don't want you to get mad but I went and talked with Dr. Stark. He wants to meet with you and talk about the two of you."

Jack stopped walking. "You did what? How could you? You know I don’t want to talk him!” Jack turned to walk back to his rooms.

"Wait a damn minute, Jack Carter!" Catlin barked out. Jack instantly recognized the authoritative tone in her voice. It was the one that chilled the blood of most of the bigger field agents, Jack included. He knew if he didn't stop, he ran the risk of being tackled by the deceptively strong petite agent. 

"You have been broken as long as I've know you. You have hidden yourself away as much as you could get away with. This man has done nothing but try to be there for you and to heal you. Why won't you give it a chance?"

Jack hung his head. "Cat, you don't understand the past he and I had."

"You’re right, I don't but that was over two years ago. You are no longer that person but he's probably not the same person either. You insist on holding on to what happened instead seeing the gift you have been offered." 

Jack couldn't answer because he knew Catlin was right. They had been given a clean slate, a chance to fix things and maybe get it right this time. 

"Look at it like this, Jack. You have a job where you are willing to do anything to save the leader of our country, even lay down your life. We aren’t even going to start on what you'd do for Zoe! ". Seeing the faint smile from Jack, Catlin plunged on.

"My point, Jack, is you're willing to sacrifice for everyone else. You've spent the last two years rebuilding your life. It's time for you to be happy. I'm not saying you have to be magically in love again but at least hear him out and let him prove himself. You remember what you told me about Clint?”

ooOOoo

_Clint was now Catlin’s fiancé but when they had first started at the academy, he had been her off and on boyfriend. Clint worked for a more clandestine branch of the government that often had him out of the country for weeks at a time. It wasn't that Catlin minded his job or the fact he would be gone extended periods of time because her job required the same. Her issue was at a more personal level._

_Clint's partner was model pretty, smart and deadly. She and Clint were great together, as partners should be. Catlin met her on several occasions and found her charming but a little cool. Clint reassured Catlin they only had a working relationship and on the surface, Catlin believed him._

_However, late at night, when he was gone on mission and she was alone, Catlin couldn't stop the doubts from creeping into her mind. Jack finally confronted her when she started making rookie mistakes during training._

_"Are you trying to get kicked out? What’s going on with you? You’re mind is not here!"_

_Frustrated, Catlin snapped back. ”You don't get it! I can’t stop thinking about what Clint might be doing while he’s off running around the globe with that partner of his.” Signing, she swept her bangs out of her face. “I don’t know what to do any more.”_

_Jack smiled. "Try telling me."_

_Catlin told Jack all of her fears and doubts. The conversation lasted until the wee hours of the morning. Catlin felt relieved to have gotten it all out but now she wondered what Jack would have to say about all of her concerns._

ooOOoo

“Do you remember what you told me, Jack?” She asked again.

Jack closed his eyes. He remembered too well what he had told Catlin. 

"Believe in him and give him a chance or let him go completely. If you really believe you two stand a chance, he needs to know how you really feel."

Catlin smiled. "The hardest thing I ever had to do was tell Clint I was jealous and afraid he'd run off with his partner."

"But look at you now. You guys are getting married." Jack returned her smile.

"And you deserve the same happiness, my friend. Talk to Dr. Stark and then decide.” Catlin turned to walk away. Looking back, she had a devilish smile. 

"If it's not too late, let me know what happens!” With a wink, she walked away, leaving Jack alone. 

Looking ahead, he could see the tip of the gazebo over the rise. It would be easy to walk away and pretend he didn't know about this meeting but Jack knew that was cowardly and unfair to Nathan. Taking a deep breath, Jack strode purposely up the hill, ready to tackle his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience and a cookie for any guesses who Catlin's fiance could possibly be!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note - Italics represent the flashback. The characters are a little OC but being emotional does have a tendency to bring out a change in behavior.

"I didn't think you'd come." Nathan spoke as he heard Jack's quiet footfalls on the steps of the gazebo. 

Giving a dry chuckle, Jack responded honestly. "I almost didn't." 

Sitting across from each other, the faint light of the moon provided a modest amount of illumination. Both men suck to the shadows, wary of allowing their feelings to be visible to one another. The silence stretched between them, punctuated only by the sounds of the night. Eventually Nathan broke the quietness.

"How are you feeling?" 

Jack continued to be quiet for a moment. "I feel overwhelmed. Everything came rushing back and I'm still sorting through it all." 

"Allison said you may not get everything back surrounding the accident." Nathan replied.

"She was right." Was Jack's short reply. 

Nathan sighed. "I'm sorry."

Jack returned his sigh. "I know but it doesn't change anything, does it?"

The silence between stretched between them, a void that begged to be filled but seemed to be insurmountable. Both started and stopped several time, unable to find words that could bridge the gap. Finally, Jack shared the thoughts that were running through his head. 

"I remember our fight."

Nathan was thankful for the darkness because it prevented Jack from seeing his blush of shame and the sadness in his eyes. Nathan never forgot that fight, replaying it repeatedly in his head every night since it happened...

_"You need to stop the project, Nathan! It's too dangerous!" Standing in front of the scientist, the sheriff confronted him as soon as he walked in the door. An earlier conversation with Allison ended with him pleading for Jack to try and "talk some sense" into Nathan._

_Jack tried to reason with the scientist but this had been on ongoing argument for the last three months. This particular evening Nathan was at the end of his rope. He had just left a meeting with Henry and Allison, both of whom recommended shelving the project. It was too volatile, they said but Nathan refused. Too much was at stake with the project and he was so close to finally unlocking the secrets of the artifact._

_"Stay out of it, Jack!" He replied, pushing past the sheriff while calling out to S.A.R.A.H. for a double Scotch._

_"I won't stay out of it! Regardless of how you feel, MY concern is for the safety of GD and the citizens of Eureka. Allison sent me the report and..."_

_Nathan exploded. "She sent you the report? What in the hell is this? You, she and Henry are going behind my back to undermine me?"_

_"No one is trying to undermine you but this is not safe. There are too many what ifs to make it safe."_

_Furious at the perceived slight from his trusted colleagues and his lover as well as wounded that everyone doubted his intelligence and capability; Nathan lashed out cruelly at Jack._

_"And what would you understand, Jack? Did Allison have to explain it to you in plain English?"_

_Taken aback by the venom in Nathan's voice, Jack could only stammer. "Wha...what?"_

_Eyes narrowed, Nathan stepped closer to Jack, his voice as cutting as the harshest blade. "Let's face it Jack. You're good at what you do and that's being sheriff. This project is above your pay grade and your knowledge base."_

_Nathan felt a fleeting moment of triumph that was immediately followed by guilt as he saw the hurt look in Jack's eyes. The guilt deepened as the expected angry response didn't happen._

_"That's your problem, Nathan." Jack quietly replied. "You feel high and mighty over everyone else. This project is dangerous and you're selfish."_

_"Selfish? How dare you call me selfish!" Nathan responded._

_"Oh I dare! It's all about you and your glory. Never mind the possible danger."_

_Nathan flushed at Jack's accusations but in his anger, he couldn't temper his words. "The problem is you are too simple to understand the magnitude of this experiment and I refuse to allow your ineptness to interfere with my work"_

_Anger and pain warred inside of Jack as the insults hurled by Nathan buried themselves deep inside his heart. It took him back to when Nathan first arrived in Eureka and Nathan wasted no time reminding Jack he was the anomaly in Eureka. He thought all of that had changed after everything they had went through to become a couple but the last few months had shown Jack that maybe this relationship wasn't the right thing for either of them. Weary and broken hearted, Jack turned his back on Nathan._

_"S.A.R.A.H., please lock up after Dr. Stark shows himself out." Heading for the stairs, Jack paused when he heard his name._

_"Jack, I..." Nathan began but Jack interrupted, his voice sad and tired._

_"Save it. I can't think of anything that you could say that would make a difference." Not waiting to see or hear anything else, Jack went up the stairs. Nathan stood there, angrier with himself that he had ever been with Nathan. He wanted to go after him but he knew it would make things worse instead of better. A line had been crossed and Nathan knew there would be no turning back. Resigned, he left the bunker, assuming, after a few days, cooler heads would prevail and he could apologize to Jack._

ooOOoo

“I regret every word of it, Jack. I haven’t stopped regretting it and I never will.”

Jack’s voice was barely heard in the darkness. “I know.”

“I’m no longer that person. I’ve had to live with the fact that my arrogance cost Henry his wife and I nearly cost you your life.”

Jack didn’t reply immediately. The remembered pain flared in his chest. Overwhelmed by the sudden urge to punch Nathan, Jack strode across the gazebo and stood in front of Nathan. With his fists clinched at his side, Jack struggled to release the words that had been burning in him since he realized the magnitude of what had happened between he and Nathan. 

“You know, that night, I almost fought you. Instead, I went upstairs and do you know what I found at the top of the stairs?” He asked in a deceptively quiet tone. 

When Nathan didn’t respond, Jack leaned over and looked him in the face. In the dim moonlight, Nathan could make out the angry glint in of Jack’s eyes. 

“Zoe was standing at the top of the stairs, in tears. My daughter heard every vicious word you said. How was I supposed to explain to her that the man she had come to regard as family was capable of treating her father with such disdain? How was I going to make her understand that two people who loved each other could argue without it being ugly and vindictive?”

Nathan shook his head. “I keep saying I’m sorry but I don’t know what else to say.”

Straightening up, Jack began pacing. “You keep saying that but are you really?” 

Stopping on the other side of the gazebo, he looked at Nathan. Even in his anger, Jack couldn’t deny the other man’s beauty in the pale moonlight. Taking a deep breath, he once again addressed the scientist. 

“Tell me. Nathan, do you know what it’s like to wake up two months later with two years of your life wiped away? Do you know what it was like to not recognize the adult your daughter had become because the last memories you had of her was the delinquent teen you had been bailing out of jail? Can you even understand what it means to discover after regaining all that you had lost, the one person who caused you this pain was right in front of you and even though you are mad as hell with him, you realize that you still love him?”

Before Jack could even blink, Nathan had moved across the gazebo and pulled Jack into a tight embrace. Stiffening for a moment, Jack finally closed his eyes and relaxed against Nathan, his arms snaking around the scientist’s waist. 

“I will never forgive myself for all of this, Jack. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you are willing to give me the chance. I love you, Jack Carter. I never stopped.” Nathan declared.

Jack remained silent, deep in thought. He recalled Catlin’s words and realized she was right. He had to see where this could go. He had to know if he and Nathan had really changed and was more capable of having a relationship this time around. 

“I’m not ready to give up my life in D.C.” Jack stated.

Nathan held him tighter, elated at the meaning of Jack’s statement. “I’m not asking you to. I have to come to Washington at least once a month. I’ll give you all the time you need.”

Jack nodded against his chest. “There is one more thing. **WE** have to talk to Zoe.”

Unable to stop the shudder that went through his body, Nathan knew this moment was coming. Jack wasn’t looking forward to it either but part of establishing a new relationship would be including Zoe. They both knew she still held a great deal of animosity towards Nathan and only time would fix that, if it ever did. 

Jack chuckled as he felt the shudder pass through Nathan. He knew Zoe was a force to be reckoned with. 

“In the meantime, what do we do?”

Nathan laughed. “Well, first, I’ll kiss you like I’ve been wanting to since you arrived in Eureka. Next, we’ll go to Café Diem for dinner. I’m sure there are some people in town who would love to see us together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your patience. My dissertation is taking up all of my writing brain space but I wanted to get this one out! There should only be one or two more chapter remaining and I'm glad to have you along for the ride!


	20. Chapter 20

October

As summer rolled into fall, Jack continued to be amazed at the turn his life had taken. He was back in DC and true to his word, Nathan hadn't forced the issue about Jack returning to Eureka. They talked on Skype daily when their schedules permitted and Nathan had come to visit on 3 occasions. It was during the third visit when they finally sat down to talk to Zoe. They explained everything that happened in Eureka and revealed the rekindling of their relationship. She was thrilled to find out that her father had regained his memories but Zoe was understandingly upset when she found out about the deception behind it. 

"How could you to this? What if you’d failed?"

Nathan tried to reassure her. "We all did what we thought was best. We all thought we were protecting your father."

Zoe sighed. "But you could have told me!"

Jack shook his head. "And you would have fought it every step of the way.".

To Jack's surprise, Zoe launched herself out of the chair and flung her arms around jack's neck. 

"Dad, what would I do if I ever lose you?"

Jack snaked his arms around his daughter. "I'll always be here, Zo. You don't have to worry.”

Nathan took in the scene, a pang of guilt settling in his chest. So many people had suffered because of his arrogance. Lost in his own thoughts, it had taken him moment to realize that the pair had pulled apart and Zoë’s steely gaze was focused on him. 

"It’s safe to assume that dad told you I overheard your argument that night?"

 

Nathan colored slightly but he held Zoë’s gaze. 

"Dr. Stark... Nathan, right now, I only care about my dad's happiness and for the moment, I can see that you are making him happy. But..." Nathan couldn't help but cringed at the sudden chill in Zoe's voice. "Make no mistake. I am not that same little girl that hid crying on the stairs. Hurt my dad again and I’ll find a way to make you pay."

Nathan gulped as Jack cried out. "Zoe!"

Turning to look at her father, Zoe's voice was as cool and calm as her eyes. "I mean it, dad."

Jack could only splutter and shake his head. There was nothing he could think of to say that would dissuade Zoe once she had her mind focused on a target. Nathan, however, found his voice again. 

"I promise you, Zoe, I'll take care of your father. I never want to hurt him again." An unspoken agreement passed between the two as their eyes once again met. 

Hearing the declarations and embarrassed by the outpouring of open emotion, Jack blushed and jumped up from his seat. Taking a moment in the kitchen to let his blush subside, Jack grabbed a bottle of water and took a huge gulp. Returning to the living room, he addressed them both. 

"Look, you both can stop wrapping me in bubble wrap. I'm fine and last time I checked, I was able to take care of myself."

Zoe and Nathan's faces wore identical looks of disbelief even though they verbally agreed with Jack. Scowling, Jack sat on the couch next to Nathan.

Unable to contain her smile, Zoe teased her father. "You know we just have to watch out for you. You have a tendency to get in trouble."

Before Jack could reply, Zoe's phone beeped. As she checked it, she gasped and jumped up. "I forgot I was meeting friends in an hour!"

Without waiting for a response, Zoe ran to her bedroom to get dressed, leaving Jack and Nathan staring at her back.

"Well, that went better than I expected." Nathan finally responded.

Jack shrugged. "I suppose so. Maybe her mother talked to her before she left Boston." Rising, Jack walked back into the kitchen and pulled a bottle of scotch out of the freezer. "Drink?" He asked, waving the bottle in the air.

Nathan immediately brightened. "Lord yes!"

As Jack returned to the couch with two glasses, Zoe blew through the room with the cry of "don't wait up!". Before Jack could respond, Zoe was gone with a door slam. Passing a glass to Nathan, Jack took a weary seat beside him. Looking worriedly at the closed door, Jack took a huge gulp of his scotch. As he suffered through the burn, Jack wasn't really surprised when Nathan took the glass from him and placed it on the end table.

"Slow down, sheriff. I can't be responsible for what happens on a drunk date."

Jack had to agree as he felt the punch off the booze in his gut. Leaning back, Jack felt Nathan's arms snake around him, pulling the blond into his chest. Snuggling into the warmth, Jack sighed. 

"I don't know what to do with her. I keep forgetting she's an adult."

Nathan's chuckle vibrated through Jack, causing him to smile. "Now you understand how she feels about you."

"But I'm the father." Jack insisted. "I'm supposed to worry."

Nathan squeezed his arms tighter around Jack. "You insist of leading a dangerous life. We all worry about you."

Jack didn't reply. Instead, he closed his eyes and relaxed in the silence he and Nathan shared. In the quietness, Jack suddenly recalled something Nathan said. 

"I heard you call me sheriff."

"It was just a slip of the tongue." Nathan replied.

They continued to sit quietly for another moment. "You should reconsider Eureka."

Jack sighed. "I have."

"And?" Nathan asked, trying not to sound too eager.

"I've considered it." Jack cheekily replied. 

"Oh." was Nathan's response as he tried and failed to conceal his disappointment 

Jack turned so he could see Nathan's face. It hurt him to see the sadness in those green eyes. 

"I'm thinking about it. Moving is a huge step and I just want to make sure it's the right thing to do."

Nodding, Nathan replied. "I understand. I really do. No pressure, I promised that."

"I know. You haven't been pressuring me." Planting a soft kiss on Nathan's lips, Jack pulled back and smiled. "I appreciate that."

In response to the kiss, Nathan's face took on a leer. As he leaned back in to reclaim Jack's lips, Nathan said. "Why don't you let me show you how much I appreciate you? 

ooOOoo

 

December

Jack spent the flight from Washington to Oregon worried if he made the right decision. His last visit, while eventually productive, had been fraught with tension. He surprised himself as much as he surprised Nathan by offering to come and spend Christmas in Eureka. Zoe had come to D.C. for Thanksgiving. She and Jack had spent most of the holiday talking about their plans. He told Zoe about Nathan’s request and for a while, she was silent. When she finally responded, her answer surprised Jack.

_“You know, you were happy there. At least you were before all of the drama with the artifact. You should go back and visit and see how you feel.”_

_Pulling her close, Jack held on to Zoe, wishing for a moment he could go back in time when she was still his little girl._

_“You know, you turned out pretty smart.”_

_Zoe laughed. “Well, you know I am the genius in the family.”_

Jack had insisted on no fanfare for this visit. He planned it carefully, arriving two days before Christmas and staying through the New Year. He even refused Nathan’s offer to pick him up from the airport. Nathan did insist on sending a driver and reluctantly Jack accepted, knowing this would be a losing battle. Standing on the curb of the airport, Jack groaned as he saw the limo assigned to pick him up. The driver was someone Jack had never met before and he was grateful. After the initial greeting and conversation about the weather, Jack closed the partition between them. As the city gave way to the woods, tiredness descended on Jack and lulled by the quietness, he dozed off. 

The voice of the driver startled Jack into wakefulness. 

“Mr. Carter, we’re here.”

Rubbing his eyes, Jack was shocked to see they were not at the bunker but parked across the street from Café Diem. 

“I’m supposed to be staying at the bunker.”

The driver agreed. “Yes, sir but I was told to bring you here and take your luggage to the bunker.”

Cursing a certain scientist under his breath, Jack thanked the driver and got out the car. Shivering in the frigid air, Jack again wondered if he was doing the right thing. Because it was the first time for him to return to Eureka since July, he wasn’t really sure what was going to be expected of him. As another gust of icy wind blew across Jack’s exposed face, he realized standing on the sidewalk freezing would accomplish nothing. Squaring his shoulders, he tapped the roof of the car, signaling the driver to go and Jack made his way across the street. 

Nathan watched as Jack approached. He knew Jack wanted to just slip into town but none of the townspeople were having it. He saw the look on Jack’s face and knew Jack was wondering if he was in over his head. He heart swelled as he saw Jack straighten up and cross the street. Making sure he was at the door, he greeted Jack with a quick hug and handshake. Moving out of the way, Allison, Henry and Jo were next in line the greet Jack. Soon, people who wanted to welcome him back to Eureka gently mobbed Jack. Nathan stood back and watched, wearing what he knew was a silly grin. Allison walked up to him, bearing a drink. 

“Somebody looks pleased.” She noted, passing him the drink.

Nathan shrugged. “I’d be happier if he’d come to stay.”

Allison patted his arm. “Well, I’m glad you aren’t pushing the issue.”

“it’s hard not to push.” Nathan admitted. “I think Henry has heard me gripe enough about it.”

Allison laughed. “I think it’s a step in the right direction that he voluntarily came to visit.”

Nathan agreed. “I’ll admit I was surprised. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come.”

Watching Jack talk and laugh with the people surrounding him, Allison felt a glimmer of hope.

“I think you just might be on to something, Nathan.”

ooOOoo

Jack had never been so glad to see his bed as he was this first night in Eureka. The gathering had last well into the evening and Jack was glad when it was over. He stumbled, towel wrapped, out of the shower to find Nathan lying on the bed, clad only in pajama pants. Blushing slightly, Jack dug through his luggage for his own sleep pants. 

“I didn’t expect you to stay.”

Nathan frowned. “Do you really think I’d let you spend your first night here alone?”

Pulling his pants on, Jack slid into bed beside him. “No but I didn’t want to assume anything either.”

Pulling the covers over both of them, Nathan sighed and changed the subject. “Thanks for being a good sport about tonight.”

Jack stretched and yawned. “It turned out alright. But why did they choose tonight?”

“It was either today or Christmas Eve and I have plans for you on Christmas Eve that did not involve the whole town.”

Smirking, Jack slid closer to Nathan. Through another yawn, he asked. “Oh, really? Like what?”

Laughing, Nathan refused to divulge his secret and wrapped his arms around Jack. “It’s a surprise, now go to sleep. You have a busy day tomorrow.”

Jack wanted to protest but the warmth from Nathan combined with the tiredness won out and he slept.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some explanation about the artifact. Thanks for reading and I'd love to know what you think!

The day before Christmas Eve was spent seeing the town. Nathan worked so Jack spent the day with Henry. It felt like old times and Jack realized he had missed that type of camaraderie in Washington. He and his fellow agents were friendly but none of them was close. Being back in Eureka had Jack really thinking about how lonely his life was in Washington.  
Before lunch, Henry decided it was time to address the elephant in the room. 

“I know you aren’t a fan of the artifact but I discovered some things and I really think you deserve to know.”

Jack felt a momentary flare of anger then he sighed. Henry was right. Pretending the artifact didn’t exist or the effect it had on his life would solve nothing. 

“No secrets? The whole truth?”

Henry agreed. “No secrets. The whole truth.”

Nodding, Jack listened, growing more amazed as Henry revealed secrets of the artifacts. Using Dr. Carlson’s hidden notes, Henry was able to determine that the artifact was indeed, of “Alien origin” and was self-aware.

“The artifact was able to actually bond, for the lack of a better word, with someone it felt would serve its purposes.”

Jack was confused. “Its purposes?”

Henry stood and walked over his desk. Retrieving several papers, he gave them to Jack. After reading them, Jack look at Henry, shocked.

“Are you saying the artifact was able to…possess people?”

Henry laughed. “Not possess in the movie sense of the word. It was able to integrate itself into human thought processes. I suppose eventually it would take over completely.”

“So what happened with Carlson?” Jack asked.

“My theory is that Carlson tried to fight it and the artifact fought back. It was basically a parasite looking for a host.”

Jack stood and began pacing. “So how did this affect me?”

“My personal theory,” Henry began. “is when Carlson healed you, some of the artifact imbedded itself into you. Not enough to control you but enough to be aware of your thoughts and feelings.”

“And Nathan?” Jack dreaded asking the question but knew he had to know the answer.

“When Carlson disappeared, the artifact knew it needed a new host.”

Jack stopped and looked at Henry. “it needed someone who wanted to know the secrets of it and would be in constant contact. It knew I was wary of it.”

Henry agreed. “Yes, but through you, I think it was able to identify Nathan as a suitable host. When you and Nathan began to clash, the artifact possibly saw you as a threat.”

Suddenly weak in the knees, Jack sat down with a plop. “So if I hadn’t gone to the lab that day…”

Henry sat down across from Jack. “No! Don’t blame yourself for this! The artifact was primed to self-destruct. I don’t know what Nathan was doing but the artifact imploded itself. You and Kim were collateral damage.”

The two men sat silently, lost in their own memories of that day. Jack eventually broke the silence.

“Does Nathan know any of this?”

Henry sighed. “No. He has refused to hear anything on the artifact.”

Jack frowned. “Seriously?”

“Yes. I think he still feels a lot of guilt plus he knows how you feel about the artifact. He won’t touch any of the research.”

Jack had another question. “Is the artifact still in us?”

Henry was quiet for a moment. “Honestly, Jack, I don’t know. There has been no activity since that day. The artifact was moved while you were still in a coma to a top secret facility but we still monitor it.”

“So what you are saying if the artifact ‘wakes up’, it could possible wake up in us?” Jack leveled a steely glare at Henry, daring him to lie. 

“Theoretically, yes. But you don’t have to worry about it, Jack. The artifact is dead and I don’t think it’ll ever be active again.”

ooOOoo

When Nathan met Jack and Henry for dinner, he could sense something big happened during the course of the day. Henry wore his thoughtful expression, which, knowing his mentor, Nathan knew Henry had something major to discuss. Jack’s face was marred with worry that he was trying and failing to hide, at least it wasn’t hidden from Nathan. The two was in such deep discussion that they didn’t notice Nathan’s arrival.

“Is there something I should know.” Nathan asked, half-jokingly.

Jack flushed and Henry nodded. The discussion was tabled until after the very quiet and tense dinner. They returned to the bunker where they could talk privately. Henry gave a rundown of everything he’d told Jack earlier. As a scientist, Nathan was amazed but he felt violated as well. 

“Are you certain this thing is dead, Henry?” 

“We are still monitoring it and there has been nothing since that day.” Henry replied.

Nathan looked placated but Henry knew him well enough to recognize the wheels turning in his protégée’s mind. Seeing there would be no more questions on this night, Henry bade the men good night.

Jack and Nathan remained silent as they undressed and prepared for bed. It wasn’t until they were lying beside each other in the dark did Jack ask the one question that had been burning in his mind all day and only Nathan could answer. 

“What does this mean for us, Nathan?”

Nathan was still. He heard everything Jack didn’t say in the question. Nathan knew Jack was asking if Nathan would start back working on the artifact. He was asking if this was going to become his obsession again. Jack was asking Nathan to choose.

Turning to face Jack, Nathan gently traced his face in the darkness. “Jack, it means nothing to me. The past is the past and that’s where it will stay. The artifact is dead and so is my interest in it. You don’t have to worry about me having anything to do with the artifact again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short but I want Christmas Eve to have its own chapter! :) I think you all will enjoy it!


	22. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone at last and the good tension is building!

The next morning, Nathan awakened Jack practically at dawn. Concealing a smile, he watched the scientist bounce around like an excited schoolboy. Breakfast was quickly eaten, bags packed and Jack found himself being whisked away by 8 a.m. from Eureka without a clue where they were headed. Nathan refused to share the details, just saying that Jack would be pleased and he wanted to get out of Eureka before any one realized they were gone. After expressing surprise that Nathan even owned an SUV, (granted, it **was** a BMW) and settling in for what Nathan indicated would be a two-hour drive, Jack watched as Eureka faded into the northwestern woods. 

The day was cloudy and cold. As they rode down the two-lane highway, Nathan prayed the snow would hold off until they reached their destination. Snow for Christmas would be wonderful but Nathan didn’t relish driving in it at all. Jack dozed lightly, coming fully awake when the SUV slowed to turn off the main highway onto what could only be considered a narrow lane surrounded by thick evergreen woods. Curious but holding his questions, Jack was stunned as they came to the end of the road into a clearing with a beautiful log cabin. 

Nathan purchased the property about six months after Jack was gone from Eureka with the hopes of one day sharing it with him. It had taken longer than he planned but he was grateful for the chance. He said nothing after stopping the SUV, instead watching Jack as he got out and studied the property. The narrow lane and the woods hid the property from passersby, giving the residents complete privacy. Through the trees around back, Jack saw what he thought was a lake. 

“This is…great!” Jack stammered, flushing as he saw the pleased grin on Nathan’s face. “is it yours?”

“It is.” Nathan replied, as he opened the back to remove their bags. “I’ve had it for a while but I really haven’t spent a lot of time here.” 

Passing Jack his bag, Nathan led the way, unlocking the cabin and ushering Jack inside. Leading Jack to the bedroom, Nathan gave what he called the “nickel tour”.

“This is the living room, of course.” Nathan pointed to their left. “Through that door are the kitchen and the way to the deck. You can see the lake from there. We are going right.” Nathan indicated, leading the way down a hallway. 

“There are two bedroom and two baths. The guest room is small with its own bath. This,” Nathan said, stopping in front of a closed door, a wicked grin on his face. “Is where we’re sleeping.” Stepping back, Nathan allowed Jack to enter first. 

Jack knew his face showed his shock as the palatial display. The room was huge with a giant bed with a hand carved headboard and buried with pillows and thick flannel coverings, perfect for cold winter nights. A large stone fireplace flanked one wall while a huge picture window took up most of the back wall and allowed a view of the woods and the lake out back. Jack was spellbound as he unconsciously dropped his bag and was sucked in the by the peaceful vision of the woods. The clouds hung low near the tops of the trees and Jack could see that would snow tonight. 

“This is wonderful.” Jack said as he felt Nathan’s warm body moved beside him. “I mean, this place is incredible.” 

Nathan smiled. “Why don’t you go freshen up while I get some wood for the fireplaces? It’s chilly in here once we get out of these coats.” 

Jack didn’t move as he heard Nathan’s footsteps retreat. “After staring out of the window for a few more minutes, Jack moved into the bathroom and was further surprised. The room had a separate water closet, dual vanities, a separate steam shower and the biggest tub Jack had ever seen. Knowing that the tub could easily hold two, Jack blushed as the heat coiled tight in his groin, as he considered the activities that could possibly take place in the mini swimming pool. Taking a moment to get himself under control, Jack went back to the bedroom, unpacked his bags and hung his coat in the closet. Comfortable in his jeans and Henley, he could still feel the chill in the house. Deciding to be useful, Jack sought out Nathan to help out with the wood. 

Jack counted three fireplaces as he moved through the cabin: one in each bedroom and one in the living room. The kitchen was thoroughly modern with a huge wood burning stove. The back wall of the kitchen had the same giant picture window as the bedroom alongside a sliding patio door. Jack stepped out on the deck. 

The kitchen was spacious with a large eat on counter. It was completely modern with granite and stainless steel everywhere. Through the glass, Jack could hear the faint sounds of chopping wood. Pulling up the patio door, the cold air momentarily took jack's breath away. Stepping out on the deck, the lake view was perfect and jack could imagine spending lazy summer evenings out there fishing and grilling. 

Nathan was closer to the edge of the forest, adding wood to a massive pile. He had removed his coat and jack could see the gleam of sweat on Nathan’s forehead. It was sexy to see the scientist using his brawn instead of his brains. It was obvious to Jack through the smooth movements, Nathan had plenty of experience with the manual labor. Eyeing the stack of wood, a confused Jack wandered over. 

"Why are you cutting so much? This should be plenty." 

Nathan paused, his chest heaving from his exertions. "I didn't want us to have to come out on Christmas Day to chop wood. Plus, it looks like snow and this is our main heating and cooking source. There's a generator but it strictly for electricity. We have satellite for web, TV and phone but basically we are cut off. No one has the number here." 

Jack smiled at the thought of being alone with Nathan. It would give him time to really sort through his thought without the distraction of the well-meaning citizens of eureka. 

"I'll help up bring some of this wood in and get the stove going at least. Soup sounds really great for lunch." 

\-------  
Jack utilized the fully stocked larder and whipped up a hearty vegetable soup and turkey sandwiches by the time Nathan loaded wood in the living room and bedroom fireplaces and had the roaring. A quick shower and he joined Jack, moaning as he took the first bite of soup. 

"This is wonderful! I didn't know you could cook." 

Grinning at the complement, Jack explained. "I didn't cook much living alone. Living in Eureka, I didn't have to." 

Nathan returned the grin. “You should do it more often.”

Blushing, Jack stared back into his bowl. “Maybe if I had someone to cook for…” 

They ate, making small talk, avoiding any heavy topics and just enjoying each company. When they finished eating, Nathan showed Jack how to bank the fire in the stove and they cleaned up the kitchen. Moving into the living room, they both collapsed on the huge couch, the fire roaring, banishing the chill away. Nathan put on a movie but Jack, full from lunch, tired from the late night/early morning and warm from the fire, fell asleep leaning against the scientist. Nathan couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his face. For the longest time, he had imagined moments like this. It was the whole purpose for buying the cabin. He knew Jack would love the rustic charm but Nathan hadn’t counted on coming to love it too. Nathan still held out hope that one day, Jack would come back to Eureka. Until then, he would take the moments as they came. 

\--------

Stretching, Jack was surprised to see the natural light in the room dim. Checking his watch, he was shocked to see that it was 4:00 and he had been sleep going on 3 hours. He was surprised and touched to see he was covered in a throw. The fire had burned down from roaring and Jack lay there listening to the crackling wood. Looking around, Jack could see he was alone but he could hear the faint sounds of music and the clanging of dishes from the kitchen. Curious, Jack followed the noise.

Nathan had the counter covered with makings for spaghetti. With his head bouncing and softly singing to “Lights Out Love”, he saw Jack enter. Waving him to a stool, Nathan stopped chopping long enough to pass Jack a cold beer. Jack could only watch as Nathan deftly put the meal together and his smile was huge as he got a huge plate with spaghetti Bolognese with crusty garlic bread and a Caesar salad. It was Jack’s turn to moan as he took a bite of the pasta.

“I had forgotten how good your spaghetti could be.” Jack exclaimed as he dug into the meal. 

Pleased, Nathan took a sip of his wine and began his own meal. “My mom would have liked to hear you say that. It was her specialty.”

There wasn’t much more conversation as they ate then worked together to clean the kitchen. As the sun dipped below the horizon, Jack noticed the first flurries of snow falling. Moving to the window, he watched in awe.

“Looks like we’ll have a white Christmas after all. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced one.” 

Nathan moved behind Jack and placed his arms around him. Jack didn’t resist, leaning back into the embrace. 

“It could be a hundred degrees and I wouldn’t care. I’m glad you decided to come here.”

Jack didn’t reply for a moment. He watched to snowfall for a few moments longer then he turned to face Nathan. 

“You know, I’m glad I came too. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song mentioned is by Ed Quinn. I was amusing myself but if you want to hear it, check out his facebook page. Also, I need ideas for a grand Christmas present. What would Nathan get Jack? All suggestions are welcome.


	23. Christmas Day - Part One

The cold and the early morning sun dragged Jack from the depths of slumber. Groggy, he moved to get up but was firmly and gently held down under the covers, Nathan's warm breath heating his cold ear. 

"I've lit the fireplaces. Stay in bed until the house warms up."

Not looking forward to moving from his warm nest of covers, Jack was very happy to comply. Snuggling down, Jack quickly fell back asleep. 

ooOOoo

It was the smell of bacon pulled Jack from his slumber again. Alone this time, he listened to the crackling of the burning logs, their heat banishing the chill. After stretching lazily, Jack moved to the bathroom to brush his teeth then off to the kitchen for that wonderful bacon. 

Nathan was plating the last of the food when Jack made his appearance. 

"Merry Christmas! I was just coming to wake you." 

Jack smiled as he noticed the small, decorated tree sitting on one end of the kitchen bar. Several gaily wrapped packages were placed around the tree including the two Jack had bought with him for Nathan. 

"I would have never suspected you as a big Christmas person." Jack said, sitting down and picking up his juice glass. 

"This is not a big Christmas. Breakfast is necessary and Vincent insisted on the tree." Nathan replied with a roll of his eyes. 

Jack laughed. "It figures." Rubbing his hands together, he eyed the food. "I'd hate for this work to go to waste."

Nathan returned Jack's laughter. "Dig in and enjoy." 

\------

Stuffed with pancakes bacon, fruit, juice and coffee, Jack held in a groan as he used the satellite phone to call Zoe in Los Angeles. She asked to be on speaker so Nathan could hear her as well. 

"Merry Christmas, guys! Nathan, did you give dad my gift?" 

"Not yet. We just finished breakfast and he wanted to call you first." Nathan replied while pushing a pink wrapped flat box to Jack as his eyes widened in amazement.

"Pink paper? Really, Zoe?" 

Zoe laughed. "Of course! I wanted to make sure you knew it was me. Now open it!"

Zoe heard her father say "Alright, alright" along with the sound of tearing paper. She held her breath at his gasp of surprise. 

"Dad?" 

Jack was speechless as he studied the heavy silver ID bracelet. His initials were on the front. Flipping it over, Jack was choked up by the engraving. 

_'Follow your heart, wherever it may lead. Love, Zoe.'_

"I think it's safe to say that he loves it, Zoe" Nathan replied for Jack, giving a gentle smile even though she couldn't see it.

Jack finally found his voice. "I do, Zoe. It is incredible. Thank you."

Zoe's voice was soft. "I'm glad, Dad. Merry Christmas. I love you."

"Merry Christmas. I love you too." Jack replied, ending the connection still in awe of his gift. He knew even though he and Zoe had talked before he had come to Eureka, the inscription was her way of saying she supported him, no matter what he decided to do. That meant so much to him. Jack knew she wasn't a fan of Eureka but Zoe was willing to put her feelings aside for him to be happy. Nathan touching his hand forced him out of his reverie.

"Why don't you let me help you with that?"

Confused for a moment, Jack extended his arm and Nathan snapped the closures on the bracelet. 

"It looks good." 

Still admiring the bracelet, Jack couldn't stop the smile. "Yeah, it does. I got a good kid."

ooOOoo

The other gifts were something that Jack enjoyed. Craft beer, handmade by Vincent. Season tickets to the baseball team of Jack's choosing from Henry. Even Allison sent him several thick sweaters, sensing that Jack hadn't planned for the possibility of snowy weather. 

"Before we go any further, I want you to open my gifts." Jack pushed his boxes to Nathan. 

“You didn't have to get me anything. You being here was enough."

Jack smirked. "Yeah, sure, scientist. You would have missed having a box or two under your tiny tree!"

Nathan scowled playfully and took the boxes. "Which one should I open first?"

"Open the smaller one. I think you'll like it. It was funny to me" Jack replied, grinning like an excited schoolboy.

Carefully tearing the paper off to torment Jack, Nathan lifted the lid to see a clock but it just wasn't any clock. The clock had different equations on it that had to be solved in order to tell the time. 

"Jack, this is outstanding! I'll make sure it hangs in my office." Reaching for the other box, Nathan wondered what it could contain. It was much bigger than the box the clock came in and he stared at it as if it would tell all of the secrets. 

"You know if you open it, you can see what's inside." Jack teased. 

In a very un-Nathan move, he stuck his tongue out but opened the box. It was his turn to be shocked speechless. 

"I remember you told me a long time ago the one thing you always wanted for Christmas was a big fancy chemistry set. Your folks wouldn't buy you one and you always had that wistful look on your face when you talked about it. I thought it would be a great gift for you."

Nathan was stunned. He and Jack had that conversation well before things had begun to go downhill for them over the artifact. It had been one of those late night-after making love conversations where they poured out their deepest feelings. He told Jack about his harsh childhood and the chemistry set was one of the gifts he coveted but his father refused buy it, cruelly knowing how much the little boy wanted it. Nathan had grown up, become a scientist in his own right but he had never forgotten the desire for that one gift.

Leaning over, Nathan grabbed Jack and pulled him close for a big kiss. The resulting lip lock shot electricity through both of them and the gifts were forgotten as they stood and pressed their bodies closer to each other. Not moving apart until the need for air forced them, Jack and Nathan stared at each other, panting. 

"Thank you." Nathan said between breaths. 

Jack could barely reply. "You’re welcome. Wow."

Nathan chuckled. "Wow is an understatement." Looking out the window at the piles of snow that had fallen overnight, Nathan suddenly had an idea. Figuring his gift to Jack could wait for later, he grinned mischievously. 

"Why don't we get dressed and go outside? There's a snowball with your name on it!"

"You are on, buddy!" Jack grabbed one of the sweaters Allison purchased and hurried to change clothes. He needed the snow to cool down from the fire that was building in his groin!

\--------  
Those that knew them would have been amused at the sight of Jack and Nathan running around, hurling snowballs at each other. The snowy assault continued for the better part of an hour, making its way into the woods surrounding the property. It was quiet, save for the stray calls of winter birds and the crunching sound of walking on the snow. Jack searched for Nathan, who had hidden among the trees. Wary of an ambush, Jack was not surprised when he was tackled from the side and wound up on his back in the snow. Laughing and breathless, Jack started up into the cold-reddened face of Nathan. Meeting his eye, the realization hit Jack like a bullet in the heart.

_“I do love him. I want to be with him…forever.”_

Before he could stop himself, Jack pulled a surprised Nathan’s head down for a kiss. With an echo of 'forever' in his head and the heat of their passion warming his soul, Jack knew he had found home. 

\-----------

In the aftermath of it all, neither man could really explain how they wound up in bed. They both remembered breaking the searing kiss long enough for Nathan to help Jack up from the ground. Their lips collided again and they forgot everything around them. Taking a moment to breath, Jack mumbled something about being cold and was led into the house by the hand. A trail of clothes littered the kitchen and the hallway heading to the bedroom. They only stopped touching and kissing long enough to untangle jeans from boots and tumble naked into the bed. 

It was almost like their first time again, given the years that had passed between them. They took time to explore each other’s body, to see if the same spots still yielded the same results. They were both delighted to discover it was true. Nathan trailed his hand down Jack’s flat stomach, caressing the hardening cock, reveling in the moan that escaped Jack’s mouth as he pumped it into full hardness. Moistening his finger with some of the pre-come leaking from Jack, Nathan spreading his lover’s legs and trailed a finger over his entrance. When a finger entered the tight rim of muscles, Jack moaned and arched his back, forcing the finger in deeper. A hiss escaped when a second finger entered him and made scissoring motions. The addition of a third finger had Jack experiencing a fullness he hadn’t felt in years. As Nathan pumped his fingers in and out of the breached opening, Jack wantonly rode his fingers, seeing stars as Nathan hit his prostate. 

Jack could have cried when Nathan removed his fingers, leaving Jack empty and wanting. He could hear the sounds of rummaging over the loud beating of his heart. Finding the lube, which he generously used, Nathan returned. Taking in the flushed face and lust blown eyes, he planted a kiss on Jack’s lips.

“Are you sure, Jack? I’ll stop if you want me to stop.”

Shaking his head, Jack could only say one word.

“Please.”

Nathan spread Jack’s legs a bit further with his knee and positioned his cock at Jack’s entrance, teasing him until Jack felt as if he would explode. Gently thrusting into him, Nathan moved slowly until he was buried to the hilt inside Jack. He moaned and noticed that was panting and clutching the sheets with his hands. After a few minutes of adjusting, Jack thrust his hips up, encouraging the man to finally start moving. Moving with an agonizing slow rhythm, Nathan reveled in the feeling of Jack around him and shut his eyes.

"Fuck, you're so tight."

Nathan gripped Jack’s hips harder, pounding into him with more force. Wrapping his legs around Nathan’s waist, Jack moaned little yeses and pleases. They soon found their rhythm, Jack meeting every thrust and noise of flesh slapping against flesh sounded through the room. Nathan felt his orgasm building and his angled his thrust to make sure he hit Jack’s prostrate, making him throw his head back and moan loudly. Reaching between them, Nathan dragged his thumb over the head of his Jack’s cock, causing him to whimper and grind beneath him with every stroke and roll of his hips. Never wanting this moment to end but realizing that it was coming soon, Nathan wanted Jack to reach his completion first. 

“Come for me, Jack.”

Nathan was mesmerized by the view, watching Jack’s face as his orgasm flowed through him, his face flushed and the sweetest cries coming from his lips as the warm fluid coated both of them. With the tightening channel around his own cock, Nathan soon followed filling Jack with hot come. Collapsing on top of the still panting man, there were no words to describe what Nathan felt. As they came back down to earth, he knew that this couldn’t be a long distance thing between them any longer. Jack belonged with him, wherever in the world that would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did Nathan get Jack for Christmas? I mean, beside some hot sex? Next time, I promise. 
> 
> The clock is real. It's called the "Where T equals time" Clock.  
> http://www.modcloth.com/shop/clocks-gadgets/where-t-equals-time-clock?SSAID=389818&utm_medium=ad&utm_source=affiliateprogram_sas&utm_campaign=sas_feed&utm_content=389818


	24. Christmas Day - Part Two

“Oww! It’s too hot!” Jack complained as the spray of the shower jets pummeled his sore body. The morning snowball fight combined with the afternoon of becoming sexually reacquainted with Nathan had left Jack tender and aching in spots he hadn’t used in a long time. 

“No food until you shower and the hot water will help ease your muscles.” Nathan replied as he soaped his lover’s back, making sure to message as he went. 

Jack soon adjusted to the water temperature and grudgingly had to admit Nathan was right. By the time they got out of the shower, he felt loose and languid. He was hungry but falling back into bed for a nap seemed just as inviting. Food won out and Jack dried off and slipped into a pair of lounge pants and, because the house was still warm, decided to remain shirtless. Nathan pulled on a terry robe and they headed for the kitchen. 

Vincent had prepared a Christmas dinner for them. It contained sliced roast turkey, cornbread and sausage dressing and roasted green beans. A quick reheating and the men feasted with plenty of leftovers for late night nibbling. 

Stuffed and back on the couch in front of the fire, the enjoyed the piece de resistance from Vincent, an apple tart with vanilla bean ice cream. Nathan couldn’t stop the grin as he fed Jack dessert, even taking time to lick the melted ice cream drops off his bare chest. 

“You know, I didn’t give you your Christmas present from me.” Nathan stated as he spooned the last of the ice cream into his own mouth. 

Looking pouty for a moment, Jack leaned back against the thick cushions. “This has been a great gift. This is one of the best Christmases I’ve had in a long time.” 

“I feel like I have so much to make up to you. You are still getting my gift. Stay here, I’ll be right back.” Nathan replied as he went to retrieve his package. Seeing the long, slim package, Jack chuckled. 

“So you and Zoe must think I’m short in the jewelry department.”

Nathan smiled. “Believe me, it was completely unintentional. I just hope you like it.”

Not sure how to take this uncertain Nathan, Jack could only stare at the gift in his hand. “I’m sure I’ll love it.” He softly replied. 

Peeling the paper off, Jack was stunned to see the most beautiful St. Michael’s medal. It was gold on a thin gold chain. The front had the image and words of St. Michael while the back was engraved. 

“To keep you safe while we are apart.” Jack read the words aloud, his breath catching in his throat. 

“I know you are determined to do your job but I wanted you to have all the protection you could have while you’re in DC and I’m here. Turn around so I can put it on you.” Both men stood and Jack turned his back to Nathan. Taking the box from him, Nathan removed the necklace and placed it around Jack’s neck. Jack couldn’t resist touching the medal as it settled right above his heart. 

“I do love it, you know. I’m not just saying that.” Turning to face Nathan, Jack wrapped his arms around Nathan’s waist, his face burrowing into the folds of the robe surrounding the scientist’s body. Nathan wrapped his arms around Jack, closed his eyes, and held him close. For a long moment, the only sound in the room was the crackle of the logs on the fire. 

Hearing Jack snort against the cloth caused Nathan’s eyes to pop open

“What?” He asked. 

Jack looked up with a devilish grin on his face. “I think you have on too many clothes.”

Raising a brow, Nathan glanced at Jack. “I could say the same about you.”

Stepping back with his hands on his hips, Jack smirked. “I’ve been curious about that bathtub of yours.”

“Really, now?” Nathan replied with a matching smirk. “We need to satisfy that curiosity of your, don’t we?”

Feeling emboldened, Jack grabbed the tie of Nathan’s robe and giving it a tug, stared appreciatively as it fell open, exposing the scientist nude body. 

“We do.”

ooOOoo

Jack was pleased to discover the tub did indeed hold two people quite comfortably. Both were also pleased to discover there was more than enough room for Jack to demonstrate his “riding” skills. Nathan was surprised when Jack grabbed the lube off the side of the tub. Refusing to let Nathan touch him, Nathan could only watch, his cock growing rock hard as Jack begin riding his fingers, preparing himself for Nathan. Just when Nathan thought he'd lose his mind and his load, Jack stopped. Applying lube to Nathan's rod, Jack began to slowly ease down on Nathan, the slow burn of the penetration hurting because he was still tender yet feeling so good. Soon, Jack was completely full and both men were panting, leaving them both sated and limp. Jack sat for a moment, letting his body adjust then slowly he began to move. After the minutes of torturous slow movement, Nathan grabbed Jack's hips and began to move him faster. The sound of the men's moans and sloshing water filled the bathroom. Reaching between them, Nathan stroked Jack's leaking cock and began to thrust his hips up, causing a loud moan to rip from Jack's throat. In response, Jack began to move faster, meeting Nathan's thrusts and seeing stars as Nathan's cock brushed Jack's prostate. Wanting this to last, Jack tried to hold his orgasm but he quickly realized the effort was futile. With the tingling roiling through his body, Jack cried out as he came hard. Natahn followed quickly behind him, the tightening of Jack around his cock pushing him over the edge. Holding Jack still, Nathan groaned, filling Jack with his hot seed. As the waves passed through them, Jack collapsed on Nathan's chest. Sated and languid, they sat for a while in the cooling water before Jack pulled himself up and went to the shower, Nathan following right behind him. In spite of the touches and hot kissed in the shower, this time, after washing again and drying off, Jack did collapse in the bed.

Nathan stood by the window, looking out at the dark forest, the only light coming from the fire. It had been his long held desire for Jack to be back with him in Eureka, not only in his bed but also in his life. There had to be a way to convince Jack to stay. He could see that Jack was happy and at peace. He was the Jack Nathan had known from before the artifact and it made him see how blind he had been to not see Jack for the wonderful person he was and had been. Nathan knew this was their chance to start over, clean slate and rebuild the life they could have had two years. There had been baby steps and the fact Jack was currently sprawled out in his bed after mind-blowing sex was a big step but sex didn’t mean relationship and sex didn’t mean that Jack had any plans to return to Eureka. As snow flurries began to fall, another thought crossed Nathan’s mind.

Who said Jack had to give up HIS life?

Why couldn’t Nathan go to him?

Nothing was holding Nathan in Eureka. It was be simple enough to request a job transfer to DC. He would miss the town and the people but as he watched the falling flurries thicken, he came to a very simple realization. 

His life was with Jack. It didn’t matter where in the country or the world, for the matter, Jack lived. Nathan would be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> St. Micheal is the patron saint of law enforcement. A fitting gift, I thought.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry belated Christmas and Happy New Year!!

The next few days were spent reveling in each other. In the isolation of the cabin, it was easy for Jack and Nathan to pretend the real world didn’t matter. Their days fell into a quick routine of lounging, eating and sex. It was six days in paradise but too soon, they had to return to reality. 

ooOOoo

The ride to the airport was quiet, Jack and Nathan both lost in their thoughts. Jack decided to return on December 30 in order to avoid the New Year’s rush of travelers and the storm heading for the Midwest. Refusing to go back to the town of Eureka, Jack ignored the guilty pang as he loaded his bag into the car. He wasn’t ready to deal with the questions about if and when he would return to Eureka. While he knew that Allison, Henry and Jo would be disappointed, Jack didn’t want to see the pleading look in their eyes. This Jack wasn’t the person they knew over two years ago and he no longer wanted to live up to their projected image of him. He knew over time, he might become close to all of them again but it would have to be on his own terms. 

Coming to terms with his decision about Eureka also meant Jack had come to understand coming back to Eureka was not an option for him, at least not at this point in his life. Everything was too fresh and overwhelming. Looking at the driver of the car, Jack couldn’t help but smile. 

_“One change at a time.”_

ooOOoo  
Nathan insisted on driving Jack to the airport. It was a rather anticlimactic end to their time together but Nathan wanted to spend every moment with Jack before he went across the country. As much as it pained him, Nathan didn’t mention Jack staying in Eureka. Over their time together, Nathan had also come to understand this was not the place for Jack. Nathan hadn’t forgotten Jack’s look of panic when he walked into Café Diem the day he arrived in Eureka. That look stayed etched in his mind and Nathan never wanted to see that look ever again on Jack’s face. 

There had been several conversations about it and Nathan could sense Jack’s hesitation. Nathan could see Jack loved his career in the Secret Service and he had worked so hard to get there. He also understood why Jack wasn’t ready to give up his life to satisfy a group of people he was getting reacquainted with again. It wasn’t fair of any of them to ask Jack to make all the sacrifices to deal with their personal angst and guilt. 

ooOOoo

Pulling up to curbside check in, they sat in the car quietly, both reluctant to say goodbye. 

“I’m really going to miss being here with you.” Jack finally said, breaking the silence.

“It’ll be strange not having you here, Jack, but believe me, I do understand.” Nathan replied, pleased to see the smile light up Jack’s face. 

“I’m glad. I didn’t want this to become awkward.”

“No worries. Just make sure you understand there will be no getting rid of me.” Nathan replied, recalling their moments of intimacy.

Jack shivered and colored slightly as he recognized that look. Leaning into Nathan’s warmth, Jack relaxed. “I will miss you.” He repeated, staring directly into Nathan’s eyes.

“I’ll miss you too.” Nathan softly replied, dipping his head to kiss Jack’s lips. Jack eagerly returned it, the longing and passion shared between them flaring once again. After the long, heated moment, Nathan reluctantly pulled away.

“Get out, Jack, before I drive us back to the cabin and never let you leave.”

Jack chuckled but moved out of the car. After retrieving his bag, Jack returned to the driver’s window for a final goodbye. They shared a last, lingering kiss and Jack moved to the curb, Nathan’s last words ringing in his ears and his heart. 

“Love you and I will be seeing you around.”

ooOOoo

Six hours later, Jack was home in his apartment, missing Nathan terribly. He sent a text to let him know he had arrived home but resisted the urge to call just yet. Jack felt like a lovesick teenager and he knew if he called Nathan, his decision to leave would haunt him. Deciding to focus on mundane tasks, Jack unpacked and washed his clothes, ordered food delivery and jumped in the shower to wash the grimy travel feel off him. 

By the time the food arrived, Jack was feeling more like himself. He knew the lonely feeling would eventually pass. While he ate, Jack thought about how quickly he had become hopelessly addicted to Nathan. The sex was incredible but it was more than that. He missed his company and just his presence. Jack wasn’t sure how this long distance thing was going to work out in the long run but the message on Zoe’s bracelet reminded Jack it was time for him to live his life. That was something he planned to do wholeheartedly.

ooOOoo

Jack’s eyes popped open in the darkness of his room. Sitting up in bed, warily his listened for whatever had awakened him. Hearing a thump, Jack quietly slid out of bed and headed for his closed bedroom door to listen. Another loud thump had him picking up his service revolver from the dresser and easing into the dark hallway. Upon reaching the living room, Jack felt his adrenaline crash and burn. 

“Jesus. Zoe!”

Zoe turned, shocked to see her father, the luggage she had been dropping scattered at her feet. 

“I didn’t know you were here and… is that your GUN!” Zoe pointed, her eyes growing wide and she noticed the gun in her father’s hand pointing to the floor.

Borrowing Zoe’s favorite phrase, Jack responded. “Well duh! What did you expect, breaking in at three in the morning?”

Zoe waved her hands in exasperation. “But I didn’t break in! I used my key!”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Well, if I’d known you were coming, I wouldn’t have greeted you with a gun!”

Zoe flopped on the couch. “To be honest, I didn’t think you be back until tomorrow. I was just crashing for the night.”

Jack shook his head. After returning his weapon to his room, he went back to Zoe. “I wanted to beat the New Year’s crowd plus a storm is hitting the Midwest and I would have been stuck in Chicago tonight.”

Taking a seat beside Zoe, Jack threw his arm around her and pulled her close. “I’m glad you’re here but why are you here.”

Zoe smiled. “Some of my friends and I decided to spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square. I’m just spending the night, Katie will be picking me up tomorrow afternoon, and we’ll drive up to New York and meet everyone.”

Frowning slightly, Jack stared hard at his daughter. “Be careful. You know all the crazies will be out.”

“I know, dad. I’m staying with the group and I haven’t forgotten the defense lessons you insisted I take.” Zoe replied, playfully punching her dad in the arm.

Jack chuckled and stood. “I’m heading back to bed for a few more hours of sleep. We’ll have time for breakfast before you leave.”

“Of course!” Zoe enthusiastically replied. “You know I won’t miss a meal!” 

Shaking his head, Jack went to his bed. 

ooOOoo

Sitting in the café a few hours later, Jack couldn’t help but be amazed at the woman sitting across from him. He couldn’t help but for a brief moment wish she was still his little girl and keep her in the house, safe from the nuts who roamed the streets but he was proud of how beautiful and talented she had become and he accepted that as a fair trade. He knew even with his worry she would follow the rules that he and Abby had taught her. 

“So, dad, how was Eureka?” Zoe asked with a smirk. “Nice bracelet, by the way.”

Waving his bracelet clad arm in her face, Jack smoothly dodged her question. “Thanks. Some kid gave it to me.”

“Ha, Ha, dad. I’m glad you like it and you didn’t answer my question.”

“It was good.” Jack replied, blushing slightly and stuffing his mouth full to keep from further conversation. 

Zoe was not having her line of questioning diverted. “So does this mean you two are a couple?”

Choking slightly, Jack cried out. “Zoe!”

Smiling, Zoe continued. “So I take that to mean yes.” Her smile faded and she became serious. “Are you moving to Eureka?”

Swallowing, Jack put down his fork. “Yes, we are a couple and, no, I’m not moving to Eureka. Right now, we are just trying to see how this works out.”

Zoe was quiet, absorbing her father’s words. She was selfishly glad that he wouldn’t be returning to Eureka, at least for now, but she wanted him to be happy and it was obvious Nathan made him happy. 

“When will you see Doctor Stark again?”

Jack closed his eyes. “I don’t know, Zo. I really don’t know.”

ooOOoo 

Katie arrived at noon and after a mini-interrogation, Jack reluctantly waved them off with promises to call when they arrived. It wasn’t a very long drive but Jack knew he would worry just the same. Heading to the market, Jack decided to pick up a few things for dinner and snacks for the bowl games that would be on TV New Year’s Day. Pizza, beer, chips and the odd bottle of champagne (or two) made it into his cart. Back home, everything was put away and Jack had to face the fact he was alone…again. 

Finally, he decided to call Nathan, only to be frustrated and slightly hurt when his phone went straight to voice mail. He contemplated leaving a message but decided he didn’t want to sound desperate and hung up. The day dragged on, broken only by the call from Zoe. As darkness approached, Jack grabbed his gym bag and went to work out. He was alone there too and the workout did nothing to ease his foul mood. Back home, he showered and decided to check out the New Year’s Eve shows on the slim hope he might spot Zoe in the crowd. He called Nathan once more but still was shuttled to voice mail. Sighing, he decided to pop a bottle of champagne and try to drown his feelings of emptiness.  
Hours later, Jack had killed the first bottle of champagne along with a couple of beers and was feeling no worse for wear. He actually began to enjoy the shows and figured that was a side effect of the champagne. At ten minutes to midnight, Jack turned off his lights, grabbed his jacket, remaining bottle of champagne and moved to the balcony. The city did a spectacular show over the Mall and even though it was freezing, Jack had an excellent view. Settling in a patio chair, Jack poured a glass of champagne to toast the New Year. 

At the first flare of the fireworks, Jack raised his glass to the sky. 

_“Happy New Year, Nathan, wherever you are.”_

ooOOoo 

Feeling as if he had been run over by a bus, Jack swore off drinking as he stood in the shower. His only plans were to watch football and not call Nathan again. It stung that he still didn’t hear from him at all, even after his two calls but Jack refused to call again. He tried not to read too much into it but failed miserably. He went from fear that Nathan had been in an accident to anger that Nathan had realized he made a mistake and didn’t want to see him again. 

Jack hated feeling this uncertainty. Before his visit to Eureka, had been easy to keep Nathan at arm’s length but Nathan had said the damn “L word” and now Jack was torn. Feelings had gotten involved and Jack hadn’t wanted that. He was just getting his feet under him and, in the space of a week, Nathan had swept it all away. Shaking his head to get away from his thoughts, Jack determinedly focused on the first of many football games, allowing himself to be swept away in the rough and tumble of the sport. 

After arguing with the refs on TV, Jack was completely caught up in the game and shocked when the doorbell rang. Checking the time, he noticed it was six in the evening. Surprised at the passage of time and the unexpected company, Jack didn’t know what to expect when he opened the door. What he saw caused him to lose his breath. 

“Nathan.”

Nathan stood in the door, looking bedraggled. His normally impeccable hair was wild looking and his jaw was covered in dark stubble. “Can I come in?  
”  
The request shocked Jack out of his stupor. “Wha…oh yeah, sure!” 

Moving to the side, Jack could only stare in shock as Nathan brought his bags in and dropped them near the kitchen table. He was still standing in the doorway when Nathan turned around. 

Laughing at the stunned look on Jack’s face, Nathan put his hands on his hips. “You look surprised to see me. You might also want to close your door.”

Jack frowned then realized he was still standing in his doorway. Closing it, he went to Nathan. “You’re here. But I called…”

“Well, I did tell you I’d see you around. I would have been here yesterday but I was stuck in Chicago. No cell service so I didn’t see your calls until I landed in DC.” Seeing the relieved look flash briefly across Jack’s face, Nathan frowned. “You didn’t think I was ignoring you, did you?”

Blushing, Jack couldn’t find the words to answer. Nathan shook his head and pulled Jack into his arms. 

“I told you there would be no getting rid of me.”

Jack sank into the warmth of Nathan’s arms, closing his eyes and breathing in the blend of his cologne and the unique smell of Nathan. His voice was muffled against Nathan’s shirt.

“I’ve missed you. I’m glad you’re here but I wasn’t expecting you so soon.”

Nathan held him tight then moved them over to the couch. Jack found his head in Nathan’s lap with Nathan’s hand raking through his hair.

“I watched you walk into the airport and I wanted to call you back. I went back to Eureka long enough to pack clean clothes and reserve a ticket. I called Allison on the way to the airport to let her know I was leaving. I wanted to surprise you for New Year’s Eve but you see how that worked out.”

Jack nodded but was silent. He was overwhelmed by the feelings that coursed through him. Any lingering doubts had been removed and Jack was still wrapping his brain around the fact that Nathan was here.

Nathan leaned over and kissed Jack. “Stop thinking so hard.” 

Jack returned the kiss and let his thoughts turn to other ideas. Sitting up, he straddled Nathan’s lap and began kissing him deeply. Only when the need for breath made itself know, did they pull them apart. Jack looked at the scruffy, panting face of his love and was blissfully happy. 

“I really don’t want our reunion to take place on the couch.”

Nathan chuckled. “You didn’t mind the couch in the cabin.”

“That couch was in front of a roaring fire and as big as a bed. This couch is narrow, hard and in front of the TV.”

Glancing around their surroundings, Nathan agreed. “Lead the way, Romeo.”

They barely made it to the room before turning on each other hungrily. Clothes were quickly shed and both men groaned as their bare flesh came in contact. Falling onto the bed, hands roamed, touching and teasing while the friction between their rubbing cocks was building up to explosive proportions. Nathan was the first to pull away. He refused to come until he was inside Jack. 

“Lube?”

Jack pointed to his bedside table. Nathan returned and began preparing Jack. Even though it had only been a couple of days, Nathan wanted to make sure everything was comfortable for Jack. One finger was replaced with two and deliberate strokes of Jack’s prostate had him seeing stars and soon begging Nathan.

“Please, Nathan! Fuck me.”

Only too happy to grant his wish, Nathan slid into Jack, both men groaned as he became fully seated. Moving slowly at first, Nathan soon rode Jack with abandon, losing himself to the sensations of being sheathe deep inside the man he loved. Nothing mattered except wringing those delightful sounds from Jack. Too soon, Jack gave a strangled cry and Nathan watched as his blue eyes rolled back and he felt the warm splash of fluid between them. Satisfied, Nathan gave a few more thrusts and released inside of Jack. Lying on top of Jack, he felt their panted breaths sync in rhythm and as it slowed, Nathan finally pulled out and moved lie beside Jack. 

Jack wasn’t sure how much time had passed. He was certain he had dozed off and suspected Nathan had too. Stretching, Jack moved to get up only to feel a strong arm snake around his waist and pull him close. 

“Stay.” Nathan mumbled into his bare shoulder. Jack complied, moving closer. They lay quiet for a while but Nathan could tell Jack had something on his mind.

“Ok, Jack, spill.”

“Spill what?” Jack asked, mentally cursing in his head. He had forgotten that Nathan was unusually perceptive to his moods. 

“What are you thinking about? I know you have questions so let’s just deal with them now.” Nathan replied. He sounded confident but he was still apprehensive. He had an idea of what Jack was thinking about and he wasn’t sure how Jack would react to his answers. 

“How long are you here for?” Jack asked.

Nathan smiled, knowing his answer would be taken as facetious. “How long do you want me here?”

Jack turned to face Nathan, his face closed. “I’m serious, Nathan. Is this for a couple of days, a week, what?”

Frowning, Nathan had a few questions of his own. “Why all the questions now, Jack? A few days ago, there was none of this uncertainty.” 

Jack rolled on his back, staring at the ceiling. “I had time to think about what I wanted.”

“And?” Nathan queried

“I want to be with you but I can’t do it in Eureka. I’m not ready for that just yet. I want to know what can be between us but how do I know you won’t get tired of us having to race back and forth across the country to do it?”

Nathan moved and leaned over Jack so he could see his face. “What if I told you I didn’t expect you to move to Eureka?”

Jack’s eyes widened and he gave a tentative smile. Nathan struggled to keep his face serious as he continued. 

“I want to know everything you want to know as well, Jack. But you’re right, the back and forth would get tiresome after a while.”

Nathan felt his heart began to thud as Jack’s face fell. “I…I understand, Nathan.”

Shaking his head, Nathan smiled. “I don’t think you do. What I’m saying is I’m willing to come to you.”

Jack started. “You mean as in move to Washington?”

“That’s exactly what I mean.” Nathan replied. 

Jack didn’t want to completely give in to the hope and still held on to some of his skepticism. “What about your job and Eureka?”

Nathan had his answers ready. “Just like you, I’ve had some time to think as well. I can do my job here. I just have to wait for the transfer to come through. As for Eureka, I’ve lived there long enough without you. I want to be wherever you are.”

Jack searched Nathan’s face long and hard for any deception. “Are you certain about this, Nathan? No regrets.”

In response, Nathan closed the gap between them and gave Jack a soul-stirring kiss. “There will never be any regrets when it comes to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter to go and it'll really be more of an epilogue. Thank you so much for sticking with me!


	26. Chapter 26

Nathan couldn't help but smile as he watched Jack tug at the collar of his tuxedo. He was handsome standing with the other members if the wedding party, but Nathan thought he was the best looking one.

"And he’s mine" he thought with a smirk that Jack caught as he looked over the crowd. 

Smiling back, Jack could only wonder what was going through his lover's mind. His only wish now was for Catlin's wedding to be over so he could get out of his jacket. Jack had been stunned that Cat wanted him in the wedding but he had drawn the line at being on the bride's side. Fortunately, Clint didn't have a problem with sliding Jack in and after a wild bachelor party, Jack had made a group of friends for life. Now standing in front of everyone, Jack's thoughts wandered, all focusing on the smirking man sitting out in the audience. 

Nathan moved to DC for good in February. His transfer from Eureka was met with some protests but it was pushed through with a little help from a cousin Nathan hadn't really mentioned before now. He was now safely ensconced in a DOD lab, doing the work he dreamed of, experimenting instead of being the administrator. He was more relaxed and content for the first time in a very long time although it had taken some adjustment to living with someone. Even when he and Jack were a couple in Eureka, they didn't do overnights very often. Jack didn't want Zoe to wake up alone or try to explain to a teenager why Nathan was there when she got up in the mornings. They did wrong so many things the first time in Eureka, so many secrets they kept from everyone and each other. Nathan knew this was the second chance he had prayed for and he was determined to make it work and to do right by Jack.

It had been a transformation for Jack in many ways. He had to learn how to re-share his space after the years of living alone. It wasn't as hard as Jack feared it would be. They moved into a new place a week ago that was theirs together. It was a room for Zoe and more space than Jack ever imagined living in at any stage of his life. His bigger fear had been his rapid coming out. Over the years, he had never discussed his personal life and suddenly it was out in the open for everyone to pass judgment. Catlin, of course, embraced him wholeheartedly. Some agents didn't let it phase them and treated Jack no differently. A few however, made their bigoted displeasure known. Jack thoroughly whipping the hate monger’s ass, settling one particularly brutal conflict in the gym’s boxing ring. After that, nothing was said directly to Jack and he let everything else slide. Nathan didn't know about that incident because he had been in Eureka at that time and Jack was grateful that Catlin had been too busy with her wedding planning because he was sure she would have spilled the beans. 

After the cold winter, spring roared in and even though it was only April, the heat had no problem making itself known. The ceremony was quick, to everyone's relief and they all quickly moved inside to the cooler reception hall. After spending what felt like hours in the receiving line, Jack was finally able to get way and find Nathan in the crowded room. He was parked at a table close to the food but away from the DJ that was getting ready to turn the reception to a party. Jack sat down and smiled at Nathan. 

"I am so ready to get out of this tux." Jack said, still tugging at his collar, looking more like a schoolboy than a grown man, 

Nathan smiled in return. "I'll be glad to help you out of it later." He said with a leer in his eye. "Right now, let me untie your tie. That might help out."

Gratefully, Jack turned towards his beau and let out a sigh of relief as the knotted tie was swiftly undone. Sliding out of his jacket, he was instantly more comfortable. Before Jack could comment on grabbing a bite to eat, he heard a groan come from Nathan. Seeing where Nathan's attention was drawn, Jack saw one of the groomsmen making his way to their table. Frowning slightly, Jack, for the first time, noticed there was a slight resemblance between him and Nathan. The man reached the table, his smile wide but devious. 

"Well, well. I certainly wasn't expecting to see you here, Nathan." 

Nathan smirked. "Imagine my surprise as well." Turning to Jack, he did a quick introduction. "This is my cousin that helped with the paperwork for my transfer, Tony. Tony this is my boyfriend, Jack."

Jack couldn't hide his surprise. "Cousin?"

Nathan rolled his eyes. "Our fathers were brothers. I was more of the black sheep of the family."

Not waiting for an invitation to sit down, Tony pulled out a chair, much to Nathan's annoyance." It really depends on whom you talk to. My father always thought you were the 'responsible' one." 

That comment only got a 'humph' from Nathan. Undeterred, Tony continued. "I see why you were in such a hurry to get the Washington now. mm-mm, boyfriend." he murmured, giving Jack an appraising once over. "No wonder you wouldn't play with anyone." Catching his cousin's now steely glare, Tony's smile took on devilish proportions. "I met Jack the other night at the bachelor party. He should have bought you. It was a wild time had by all."

Not missing the gaze from his cousin and his boyfriend's blushing reaction to it, Nathan bit down on the surge of jealous that shot through him. . He knew Jack would fuss about his "alpha man" response but Nathan couldn't stand the feeling of Jack possibly being interested in someone else. The first time around, a lot of his reaction came from the insecurities they both experienced in their relationship. This second time around, however, it came from knowing his cousin. Tony was quite notorious for his very public dalliances with the ladies and although more private, no less notorious with the men. Based on both of their reactions, Nathan was certain that Tony had probably hit on Jack at the party. Filing it away for later, Nathan focused on his cousin's words. 

"I still don't know why I can't convince you to join Stark Industries." Tony was asking.

Nathan shook his head. "You know I'm not a fan of New York and with your other 'activities', I think Washington is the safer option."

Tony shrugged and gave a dazzling smile, then his smile faded and his tone turned serious. "Who knows? Maybe my 'activities' as you so nicely put them, will curtail and I'll just focus on research. I could use your expertise."

Nathan smirked. "Not biting, Tony." Glancing at Jack, Nathan's smirk softened into a smile. "I'm fine right here."

Tony stood. "I had to try. Jack, I'm sure I'll see you again now that I intend on getting under my cousin's skin." With a nod, Tony moved into the crowd and Nathan gave a pained sigh. 

Jack chuckled. "Your cousin, eh?" 

Nathan shook his head. "Don't remind me. I certainly wasn't expecting to see him here. I called in a favor from him to help push my paperwork through and I know he won't leave it alone now."

Jack patted his hand sympathetically. "Why don't we leave, grab dinner somewhere else and just go home?"

Nathan grabbed the hand that was on top of his. "Home. I like the sound of that."

ooOOoo

Dinner wound up being in a tiny cafe that served American classics and good wine. They arrived home, with the sunset and true to his word, Nathan helped Jack out of his tuxedo. As they undressed, the hungry look Tony had given Jack popped into his mind and Nathan took the opportunity to remind Jack to whom he truly belonged. The sex was playful and hard, ending with Jack calling Nathan's name once he was finally allowed to come. After dozing for an hour, dragging himself from bed, Jack looked at his now sleeping lover. Wincing slightly as he went to grab a quick shower and went through the dark house to grab a beer, he was reminded of times past when someone had sparked Nathan's possessive streak and usually that was taken out on Jack's ass. During sex, the rough was good but afterwards, oh boy. 

The condominium they found had a balcony and Jack loved the view. Settling in a chair, he drank his beer and was lost in his thoughts until Nathan came out half an hour later. 

"I figured I'd find you out here." Nathan stated as he sat in the chair beside Jack, holding his own beer.

"It has cooled off so I'm enjoying it while it lasts." Jack replied, taking another sip of his beer. 

They sat in silence, watching to quarter moonrise from the horizon. 

Nathan watched as the moonlight turned Jack's blond locks silver. Everything felt surreal and not for the first time, Nathan wondered if it were a dream. 

"Earth to scientist." Jack interrupted Nathan's thoughts.

"I'm still here on Earth, agent." Nathan replied, smiling at the banter between them. Growing serious for a moment, he started to apologize. "If it was too rough earlier, I'm sorry."

Jack laughed, a huge booming sound in the dark of night. "Believe me, if there had been a problem I would have stopped you." Taking another sip of his beer, Jack added. "Besides, I knew what was coming. Always the alpha male." 

Nathan joined in the laughter. "Yes but I'm your alpha male." 

Nodding Jack agreed. "That’s true. You don't have to worry about Tony. He'll flirt to aggravate you but he's not my type."

Raising a brow, Nathan asked. "Oh? What exactly is your type?"

Pondering for a moment, Jack finally answered. "Dark haired, green eyed, arrogant scientists who are willing to pack up and move clear across the country."

Nathan stood up and pulled Jack into his arms. After sharing a tender, lingering kiss, they separated but Nathan kept his arms tight around Jack. 

"What have I done to deserve you?"

Jack shrugged. "I could ask the same question. Maybe we weren't ready the first time around."

"I had to lose you to realize what I had." Nathan was surprised to hear his long kept private thoughts blurt from his mouth. 

Jack was surprised too. He wasn’t expecting Nathan to be so forthcoming. They had talked a lot about the time they had been apart but Nathan was always more stoic about his feelings. They stood quietly, just holding each other. Jack eventually broke the silence.

"This is our do over, our chance to move on from the past and get it right." 

Nathan concurred. "I'll do everything I can to make you happy.'

Shaking his head, Jack lightly hit Nathan in the chest. "I don't need you to make me happy. I just need you to love me as much as I love you."

"You know I do love you. I always have, I always will." Nathan replied. 

Jack felt his heart swell. The changes they both had to make to be together had been trying but Jack knew they would come out on the other side just fine. 

"Then I'm happy. I'll always be happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ends the saga of “Secrets”. I’m so glad to those of you who stuck it out to the end. I know at some point, I'll be revisiting this universe again. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
